I’ve been pulled in many directions as of late. Working to find a balance between making me a priority and doing what must be done. My head and heart are not always on the same page and when you add others thoughts and feelings to the mix, it tends to be a bit much. Learning to choose what’s right for me and my little family first before appeasing anyone else is not as easy as one would assume but as time goes, I’m finding it easier to do.
I am in the home stretch with school only having 4 more weeks for the semester. I am feeling the pressure and forcing myself to remain focused. Here is where the wheels start getting loose and I want to jump ship for fear of failure. I will not allow such thoughts or scenarios to take up space in my head. I am looking at what’s in front of me and ignoring what’s ahead. One thing at a time, one step. I’m the tortoise, remember.
Things with family are always chaotic and although we’ve done better at getting along, we still don’t see eye to eye. Thankfully, I am not looking for acceptance just the understanding that I will do what’s best for me and my family regardless of the opposition to it. I have found strength in knowing that my responsibility is to me and mine first and then to my family and anyone else. This knowledge has changed my life for the better.
I’ve been running around and just always on other people’s timeline with assisting my Nana and taking Miah to school, etc. Today I decided to do nothing. I did what needed to be done but nothing more. I was able to nap and watch Netflix and laid in bed almost all day. I had time to think and try not to think and to find my peace. As I sit here this evening I felt like I could have done more but also that this was needed. I feel like I’m in control again.
I am making time to take care of me in ways I never have before. I have a skin care regimen for my face, I’ve bought products for my hair and learning to fix it like my stylist, taking daily vitamins and eating better. Lots and lots of listening to my body and intuition. It sounds silly but, even buying a shower cap to put my hair in on the days that I don’t wash it makes me feel good. I did that for me. The little things spark joy in me.
Tomorrow I don’t plan on saving the world but, perhaps accomplish more than today. I need to work on a slide for school, update my resume again, get on my speeches… and spend some qt with my two sillies. I filled my tank today so that I could be what they need me to be. I tell you, I’m getting a hang of this happy and healthy stuff. My world is spinning and I’m enjoying the view.