When I started this journey a year ago, I didn’t realize it was going to change my life. I just wanted my family back and to not despise the woman staring at me in the mirror. I was looking for a quick fix but, God said I had run out of those and it was time to put in the work. I wasn’t ready, we never really are though, I suppose.
So, each day I have chosen me because… someone had to, right? Even when I hated me, I was forced to choose me. It was no easy task. Somewhere along the way, I stopped loathing me and started loving me. At that point, I thought, well, my physical self needs to match my emotional self and I’ll be set. In my head that meant I needed to be a lot thinner. I’ve started and stopped making attempts to work on that because other things seemed more important. I was wrong again. God wanted me to accept me as I am, extra weight and all. I had to love me as is first and then I can begin my physical transformation.
In these last few weeks I hit that milestone. I stopped saying when this happens, I’ll love how I look to damn, I love every inch of me right this second. What a feeling! Yes, I am beautiful and I’m not afraid to admit it! With that, the way I see myself has changed. I got a new hairstyle that matches my personality and the color too. The smile I wear, well, it’s bigger than ever. And NOW, I am ready to make a serious effort on losing weight and getting in shape. I’m not doing it for anyone else or to love myself, that’s now a given.
My motivation has been altered and now reaching my goal is not a lose or win scenario. I am happy regardless so any positive movement is icing on the cake. The confidence I had when I went shopping today was something else. I have dreaded shopping for a while and I wasn’t even looking to buy me anything and ended up with like 4 tops. They all look cute. Perspective makes all the difference.
My boy took a step in a positive direction today as well. Something has been weighing on his mind. But, he finally made a decision and he saw it through. I’m proud of him. Healing looks different for everyone. He had to sit with it for a while and figure out his feelings on the situation. He is so not like his momma in this department. I can discuss my feelings and share them and he likes to keep his guarded under lock and key, with moat and live crocodiles…lol
We are moving in the right direction. The steps may be small ones but, they are being made. I am proud. I am thankful and definitely blessed. In God’s perfect timing all will come to pass. Patience and faith is what will get me by.