Every step I take is with purpose, I move with the people I love in mind. It is intentional and only if it is in our best interest. I do not come from a place of revenge, malice, trying to hurt people or outdo them. I am growing and strengthening our foundation, I honestly don’t have time for anything petty or to pay attention to what others are doing. I am a strong woman and let me tell you, I had to be in order to forgive the wrongs I have had to endure in my lifetime. As I said last night, I could no longer carry the burdens that were only holding me back. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes ego and the devil try to have their way and I catch myself in a petty ass mood and I am quick to change things up and get back on the right path in the right mindset because I didn’t work this damn hard to lose it all on things that I have no control over.
Moving forward with grace and dignity, with a renewed spirit and the opportunity to start fresh, it takes commitment. I watched a video for Public Speaking on delivery and it was about Barack Obama. In one of the clips he said to have a commitment to following your passion wherever it may lead. I have had commitment all along, I know what my passion is and I will see it through. I remain steadfast in knowing that I must follow my heart and intuition at this point in my life, my head will only try to make sense out of things I am meant to sense and feel my way through.
Jeremiah is finding his way as well. He’s a teenager so he’s caught in that transitional phase where everything is up in the air. He thinks he knows everything but doesn’t understand why certain things happen the way they do. He has many questions and doubts and full of feelings he is trying to make sense of. I do my best to guide him along and I pray for God and our guardian angels to be with him always. The same goes for my little. He may be small but he is filled with emotions too and like his brother, he’s trying to make sense of this world with the knowledge that he has. May they find comfort in each other and I continue to pray for him as well. They are my heart, they are why I wake up every day and recommit to all that I am working towards. Not only do I want to make them proud, I want to show them that even if they get lost along the way, it’s never too late to get yourself back on track and live the life that was meant for you.
I find myself in the purest state of peace quite often these last couple of weeks and then I remember that I have a new angel in heaven. He was all about this kind of peace, going with the flow and making the best out of what life threw his way. I think he’s with me at those moments, allowing me some peace as he keeps watch over me. It is very comforting and excruciatingly painful at the same time. I’d rather him here on Earth with his boy…
Other parts of my life seem to be in limbo. I take a step forward and then it seems like I have to take two steps back. I want to get frustrated and anxious but, all I have is patience. There is purpose behind all of this. I want to do everything the right way, not right because, I’d be setting myself up for failure but, the right way. So, I just keep being me and take it all as it comes. I am honestly happy that I have the opportunity to be me and not have to hold back anymore and so everything else…. is cool. I’m the tortoise, not the hare.
As for school, I am almost done with week 12 and then only 4 weeks left. I have a final next week, two more speeches due before the semester ends, another presentation for Persuasion that the Professor has not elaborated on. I have a slide due on the 28th but waiting on pictures, whew, but, all in stride. Miah is back in school two days a week, with the possibility of four days still on the table. He was hesitant at first but is now happy to be back at it. They cooked in culinary today and he got the hang of his math work super easy… my smarty pants.
My little family, we are finding our way. It may not be fast, it may not look like what others expect but as I keep telling Miah, we are living for us now. Our family, WE come first. We aren’t listening to others or living to please them. This is our life and we are going to live it the way we want. What we’ve been doing, the decisions that we’ve been making, we are happy. He was over the moon this last weekend and I am hoping to be able to spark the same joy this weekend. I will never make the mistake of listening to others again. Nobody knows what it’s like to be in our shoes nor do they have to live with the consequences of wrong decisions. Moving forward, starting anew is a risk, one we are deciding to take. We’ve got plans, and I am going to make them a reality. One step, one breath, one prayer at a time.
Think good thoughts and believe that anything is possible. xo
This song has been stuck in my head…. thought I would share it.