Always at the ready

The more I am alone with myself, the more things make sense. It is easy for an outsider to label you and without giving it much thought, we cling to a label that perhaps does not suit us. Who is anyone to judge us? Why do we so willingly accept it? I’ve come to realize I am more than the boxes people have tried to fit me in. And that, my friend, is a game changer.

Thinking back at all of the times someone made a statement about me… and I allowed it. You’re too loud, you’re too opinionated, you’re never going to find a man to put up with you, you need to compromise. What? I command attention, I am passionate about subjects that I care about. I don’t want a man to put up with me, I want one that accepts me fully. I made accommodations to meet others expectations of what was acceptable while disregarding my own.

I grew up and learned what not to do from my mother. She was and is a great mom but she lacks self confidence and never stood up for herself. Ever since I was little, I vowed to do the opposite. I have no problem speaking my mind and demanding to be heard. I believe God blessed me with a talent for words purposely. I’m not quite sure when I started listening to others so much. I think it might have been after I graduated high school.

I had a hard time accepting that colleges weren’t knocking down my door offering scholarships when I made sure I was a well rounded candidate. It disillusioned me for sure. I think that’s when I lost faith in myself and figured that what I was doing was all wrong and left the door open for suggestions. I didn’t understand that the college thing. Well, that’s life and it had nothing to do with who I was. It wasn’t in the cards for me. Had anything been different, my life wouldn’t be as it is today.

I am so thankful for this last year. I made something beautiful out of this pandemic. I found myself and nurtured her back to the woman she was meant to be. I have never been more proud of who I am and what I am accomplishing. Major obstacles continue to block my path but. I am supported by our Almighty God and He isn’t letting anything get in my way. I know I am at the edge of the cliff and I am ready to jump.

I saw a man I follow on TikTok say that we aren’t supposed to deny our old self for our new self. We have to combine them just as we should with our future self. We release what is not meant for us and keep what is. I was excited to hear this. The woman of my past, she is the foundation of who I am. All of the struggles and wonderful times mixed in with some chaos and tears. I don’t want to forget her, I want to honor her for getting me here. She found the men of my life… broken and all, she found the missing pieces to our puzzle.

I don’t have it all figured out. I am a work in progress and begin with a clean slate each day. We all have the power to begin again. This evening is an energy shift and either we choose the light or the darkness. So much has happened and the darkness will always call me but, I am digging my heels in letting the light continue to shine on me. I hope to work on freeing some weight off my shoulders as well. I need to take in all that is about to happen and revel in my hard work.

Choose the light. The darkness is always the easiest choice. Who doesn’t like a challenge? After all, insanity is doing the dame thing over and over and expecting a different result. Self sabotage is so last season. Let’s choose self love, I’ll help. Be blessed!

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