Man, this shit’s unflatterin’, all up in my head again
I don’t feel myself right now, maybe I should just lay down
If vanity’s my vitamin, well, I don’t feel the difference
I don’t like myself right now, gotta find a way out. What you feel is natural
But I don’t wanna feel this anymore
Pick yourself up off the kitchen floor
What you waitin’ for?Girl, won’t you stop your cryin’?
I know that you’re tryin’
Everything’s gonna be okay
Baby girl, don’t you hang your head low
Don’t you lose your halo
Everyone’s gonna be okay
Channeling a little Marren Morris this evening…. bare with me. First and foremost, Happy Easter my friends! Who woke up this morning feeling refreshed and like a new beginning was upon you? Just me? I hope not. I started the day with some RedBull and straight in to making deviled eggs and potato salad at the same time. I was excited to be responsible for Easter dinner. I sang my heart out to Spotify, of course mom and dad had to comment on the range of music that played and kind of rolled their eyes when I blasted and loudly sang one of my favorite worship songs. Come on… I love This is the Day! And… today IS the day God made for us and I was making full use of it.
After some convincing of the parents, we were able to pick up Charlie to spend this afternoon with us. Nana still isn’t feeling well, she’s actually been too weak to even leave the bedroom. I’ve been praying and hovering while trying not to get discouraged. My Uncle kept her company for a few hours so, that was a good thing. It was a relaxed day and I received many compliments for the meal. I felt so honored, it was neat. We had then to rush the Charlie home to meet the time we were given to drop her off…. and had planned another stop that didn’t happen.
Honestly, I was angry. More for Miah than me. But, I had to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I bought some cute dresses yesterday. So, I threw one on and was going to get all dressed up. I decided against it because I love who I am and how I look. I rocked eyeliner and mascara and my natural wavy hair. I think I killed it and felt beyond beautiful. I didn’t want to waste time with family to get dolled up and for what? I was happy already. Peace has given me clarity.
I’m not at a point in life where I am looking to change anyone’s mind…. well, until my persuasive speech that is! Lol I don’t want to change people or convince them of anything. I can love and support and encourage but, that is it. People in glass houses should not throw stones. While I do not mean talking about people, I mean that I am still learning and growing so, I am not going to try to act like I know it all. I know what worked for me. I know how to be a good listener and to loyally support my people in a judgment free zone.
So, a little off track but, I got in a little funk and then talked myself out of it. I do what I do for the right reasons and with good intent. That is all I can do. I am happy with myself and my ability to understand my limitations. I have come so far from where I started. I should make something to put on replay. What’s meant for me will find a way…. over and over. And not to stress over things I can’t control. Man, when did I turn into sunshine and rainbows? When did my little raincloud go away? I am no longer Sadness, by golly, I think I am Joy!
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. I have to adjust my crown 👑 real quick and remember who I am. In the words of Drake, I’m a motherf#&$ing legend! Haha… yes, feeling myself today. But seriously, I’m doing what must be done and remaining true to myself, sometimes those can’t be accomplished simultaneously. Hard as it is, it is so worth it. I am worthy of my crown, I am worthy of where I am at and the things coming my way. Trust and believe that God is guiding the way. Pause, take a deep breath, you’ll feel it too. May you all stay blessed. Love ya!