Out of Sorts

Oh my goodness, I have been so in my head as I near one year. Doubting myself and what I’ve accomplished. Where I’m heading and if I even care. Then something came in the mail… two things actually and I was feeling confident again.

But… everything is messed up again and I feel like I got hit with a crashing wave and don’t know which way is up. My son told me of some things that were on his mind and I felt helpless. I can’t take away his pain. I can’t answer his questions. I can only offer support and understanding. He wants to make a bold move, one that could change our lives forever. While I support him fully, I am scared something could not work to my liking.

With that, so many old memories came rushing back. Making me feel like that 23 year old new mother with Post Partum Depression and paranoid that someone was going to take my baby from me. I couldn’t fight the feelings and they got the best of me. My mom had to remind me that I’m not that girl anymore. I have come a long way, especially recently and I have to stand in my power. She actually said not to put that negative energy out in the world which is something I tell her all of the time.

I know I am on the right path. It is taking me longer than most. I think as I near reaching a long time goal of mine that I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. That’s resorting back to past mentality and as I have proven this evening, I can’t go there. I don’t understand that anymore. I am an overcomer. I cannot give power to things or people, power that is mine and mine alone.

My boy is in a confused space. I am hoping going back to school will give him a sense of normalcy and allow him the comraderie he has been lacking. Somehow, some way, right?

This last year wasn’t for nothing. I have so many dreams that still need to come true. I was going to post a picture with some good news but, this really took the wind out of my sails. I’m spent tonight. So, no homework unfortunately, maybe some Netflix and bed. After all, tomorrow is another day. Xo

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