Pushing Them Away

I keep rewriting this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t know anymore. I keep pushing people away and for what? I’m losing faith.

This isn’t how it is supposed to be.

I don’t know if I can keep writing this blog. Hitting a year should be a happy milestone but it will not be for me. It is a looming reminder that my family has been split in half for a year. That my boys have been separated for a year. And, no matter how much I improve myself, it doesn’t change how much we miss them, how much Miah misses his brother. The pain hasn’t subsided. I think it has only gotten worse as he brings them up more. All the remember whens are nice in the moment but sting seconds later. He asks questions I can’t answer.

I guess no matter how much I grow, I’ll still only be human, only be me…and for some, that will never be enough.

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