From the Inside Out

“Even in the midst of many changes and unknowns,  she took a deep breath, gathered her courage, and  dared to make today good.” ~ Rachel Marie Martin

A picture popped up in my memories of me from three years ago. I was like 20lbs thinner and really happy with my life. So, I decided to take a picture of me last night, exhausted at the end of the night and compare the two. The now picture, I am glowing. You can see my happiness through my eyes, my smile, everything. What a difference being happy in your own skin and loving yourself makes. I thought as long as I loved my family enough that I was doing good. While it was good, it wasn’t the best I could do or be. It is obvious as I look back now. I think of all the things I could have done better, wait, let me rephrase that, that was the best I had then, now, I am capable of so much more.

It is important to know our limits so that we can exceed them. When you’re depressed, simply holding on is tiring. Fighting an internal battle in your head to make sure that the light overcomes or at least holds off the darkness take energy that you were meant to exert elsewhere. Years of sweeping the hard stuff under the rug will do that to you. I become frustrated with the things I owed better and then I have to remember that I gave all I had. I left nothing for myself. Thankfully, that has all changed and I seem to have a never ending stream of my best to give. It’s the only way I can explain how I’ve managed to keep up with all I have on my plate.

It feels good to be clear headed and able to find the right words when expressing a thought or opinion. I am not stumbling for the right word or forgetting what I wanted to say. Part of that I credit to school. Learning to be an active listener instead of only hearing what the speaker is saying proves to change the way you listen. I like to think I am a better communicator. I am comfortable in an exchange and confident to speak up for myself instead of quieting myself for the benefit of others. Words are my thing and I think I do well at expressing myself… especially in my assignments. Oh, I never posted my speech. I will have to do so for you. I’m already working on my next one.

Well, this may not be an appropriate place to end tonight but, I have to go give my Nana her meds. My world is chaos and yet, I’m doing good. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. We have to trust the process and check our ego at the door. I know I’m going to be alright, I know my life is changing, I can feel it in my bones. The universe is working magic for me. I believe with all I am.

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