Count on me to make things hurt

I set myself up for failure time and time again. I guess I’ll never learn that others don’t think like me, that my need to work relentlessly not to hurt someone’s feelings is not a quality many others share. I’m about the small things and I just wish others were too.

I was beyond busy taking care of Nana today and then trying to make sure I was being attentive to Miah and Raiyhn. So, while my moments of silence and alone time was scarce, it was enough to feel the heaviness of my heart. Prepared, I let it be and chose to break the silence and talk it through with God. I have everyone else’s burdens on my shoulders that I needed someone to lean on and who better than He? No tears have been shed, so many smiles as I saw pictures pop up… especially from last year. My dreams had come true, even if I wasn’t the right me to appreciate them. I am now and I do more than I could ever elaborate. The feelings rush over me like water and give me butterflies still.

I think my urge to self sabotage is never going to go away. I think that may be what ensures that I am always on my toes, combating that negativity and striving for more. Each day I surpass my wildest imaginations of how far I can go, how much I can sustain, how hard I am willing to work to achieve my heart’s desires. Things unfold how and when they are meant to. It is my job to keep up the pace and keep the faith. Hard days will always come, but, I am not judged on how I was in the middle of the storm, only if I came out of it with the same tenacity to push forward as I went in with. Battles are great at determining the lessons I’ve learned and still need to work on, nothing is final until the war is over. We are far from that.

I am eager to complete my schoolwork earlier than the deadlines this week. That’s the goal. Oh and to eat healthier, I’ve got some plans towards the end of the month and I want to look my best. I’m limitless and I prove it every day.

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