So much has happened today and I’ve not had the time to process it all. I was able to get Nana out of that horrible facility and she is back in my care. I am beyond happy and relieved but, now I must be the bad guy and make sure that she is following the doctor’s orders. We’ve already bumped heads a few times and I understand the nurses’ frustration with her. She is in pain, her only concern is to not be in pain so she is trying to disregard everything else. This is where I have to stick to my guns and enforce the orders regardless if she likes it or not. It is hard but the thought of her having to go back to a facility because I can’t properly care for her is not something I can stomach.
Tackling that and finding time to do my schoolwork is not easy. Here I am and I’ve been here for almost 4 hours straight taking notes for Argumentation because I have a test due tomorrow. I have a test for Persuasion due tomorrow as well, a discussion for Public Speaking and 3 topics, thesis and main points for my informative speech due as well. All while I have to assist my Nana in everything she does. Oh, did I mention we have a tele doc appt with her primary as well in the morning?
I am working on a way to organize everything so I don’t drop any balls. I got to spend some quality time with Miah and had to reiterate that he is my priority and he only needs to speak up if he feels otherwise but, he is relieved Nana is home and that I am taking on this responsibility. He’s got a lot going on in his head right now too. Trying to make some big decisions that will open doors I’m not sure I want open but, I will always support my boy. His girlfriend says that he misses his brother and is wanting that sibling relationship and so he’s thinking of reaching out to find it another way. Okay, too heavy for me right now.
On a happy note, for his Culinary class, he will be making us a caramelized onion and goat cheese tart tomorrow. I couldn’t grab the ingredients from school so now I have to get them on my own. It’s okay, he’s making them with my dad. He’s excited but doesn’t want to taste them because he is not a big cheese fan…. well, except for my niece! Lmao
I am keeping up my spirits. I know God will not give me more than I can handle. I feel like I have all the pieces to the puzzle and I just have to figure out how to arrange them all so they will fit. I know I’ve seemed a mess but, I am truly excited about what’s to come if I keep this all up. In a couple of months I will have accomplished something I never thought possible.
A year is almost here. A year for this blog and for the worst thing that’s ever happened in my life. You know, it is hard to talk about, I am thankful for this pandemic. But, when people do ask, they’re amazed that I’ve remained steadfast. It’s not wishful thinking, it’s not an obsession. I know what I want. I know what it is like to be with the one. Being the woman I am now, knowing MY worth, I refuse to settle for anything less. So, I have continued to live my life, to grow as an individual and leave the rest up to God. I know what He put in my heart and I understand that one day that may change. Until then, I continue on this path of self discovery and ensuring that I am the healthiest and best version of myself I can be.
I’ve learned that when you love yourself, you’re no longer desperate to fill the void, to make anything fit because it’s better than nothing. No, it is better to have nothing but yourself unless it is everything you want.