I have found a new kind of exhaustion and I am living in it. I have been dealing with nonsense all day. My Nana had to call me so many times because she was having issues and no one was taking care of her. I had to call and explain that she is not difficult but she needs help. I heard a nurse get smart with her and then I had to drive to the place to give her supplies and it is a shithole. I have decided that I am breaking her out tomorrow. I can’t believe we treat our elderly this way. I promised my Nana she would never have to endure this shit and I won’t allow it anymore. When I spoke to the people, I assume they aren’t used to a family having a vested interest because I had to set them straight more than once.
I almost gave up on school last night. But, I persevered. I was going to apply for an internship but I just don’t think that would be a sensible move right now. I have to dedicate at least 10 hours a week if I get it and everything is up in the air right now.
I feel like I am so close to reaching one longtime goal and I can feel the pressure, I feel like I am being pushed back. Forces are working against me, willing me to give up. While the idea seems easier than what lies ahead of me, I just can’t let go. I am too close to making this a reality to give up now.
I am not getting the support that I expected. Well, talk but, you can’t take that to the bank. Regardless, Nana knows I will get whatever needs to be done done. I am so sorry, I am so tired. Part of me wanted to skip tonight but as we approach one year, I couldn’t let this slip my fingers either. Oh my…. I want to scream but, it wouldn’t change anything.
Nana has always reminded me to say that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and it has never been truer. He is pushing me and won’t let me give up. I am more than anyone knows. Somehow, some way I will make it through….