I don’t have it in me today. I am working on 3 hours of sleep in almost 48 hours. I have been on the phone with hospitals and nursing homes and medical groups and family and fighting for my Nana’s best interest and I am fucking spent.
I just finished my homework. I had to watch and critique all of my classmates’ speeches in between calls and research. I had to watch videos from people that were ill prepared and didn’t seem to take the assignment seriously and seriously had to refrain from calling them out. I am tired and that was a waste of my time.
My Uncle had an appointment so mid chaos, to Palm Springs we went for an appointment that could have been done on a video conference. On the way, my cranky ass had to deal with some lower in a car. I had to slow down for a car broken down on the shoulder and this fool almost rear ended me. He thought I brake checked him or something so he got way too close for comfort. I fucking gunned it and left him in my smoke. So, he rushes to get next to me and stares. I’m mad so I yell at him and ask what the fuck is he looking at and throw my hands up. He then comes to the stoplight slowly so that I have to pass him and I stated him down again. Motherfucker does not know what I am dealing with and beating someone’s ass would be a stress relief. When he realized I wasn’t scared then he sped off and left me alone. I am tired of backing down to appease others. I wasn’t in the wrong so I stood up for myself. My Uncle thought is was funny and kept calling me a firecracker. Well, shit, if no one else is going to have my back, I’ll do it my damn self.
So… ya, that’s my day. Tomorrow is shaping up to be another long day. No melatonin in case the Nana calls needing to be rescued. I am honored to be the one my family counts on. But, I am tired and I’m not sure if I can be strong for them and for me. Nana needs me though… I am fighting the tears with each second that passes and desperately need to be held. I’m not holding my breath, instead I’m continuing to hold it down. Fake it until you make it Stephie. You’ve got this!