Finding the Words

I have much on my mind. Things that I wish I could write on these pages, it might help to get them off my chest but, I never know how what I say will be taken and I end up keeping it all to myself. I am thankful that God knows what I’m thinking without putting into words and that He’s there for me to work out whatever is on my mind.

Times are changing. They are talking about sending our kids back to school and although I was all for it earlier in the year, I think we should just let things be. I mean, why change a child’s teacher when the year is almost over? It makes no sense. I know the high school seniors are missing out and I feel so sorry for them but I don’t know if we are ready for this step.

I hear some states are choosing to go back to business as usual and that scares the hell out of me. What happens if California follows suit? We haven’t been quarantined for a year and then have it all be for nothing. I can’t risk my Nana getting sick. I am doing my very best to be everything my family needs from me and still trying to do for me but, there are limits.

I know that I am divinely guided. I know that at some point I am going to have to face the world 🌎, I’m excitedly nervous about that, I just need to protect my family. I’m not the wallflower I was before wishing that I was invisible. I am ready to shine and stand in my power. Words dance in my head, ready to prove I am a great communicator.

In my moments of silence though…. all of that disappears and I am deep in thought, thinking about those I love. Thinking about what I have to accomplish and the challenges ahead of me. I get caught between what I want and what I need, what’s most important to me. First and foremost are my boys and then my pups. I never want to do anything to make my boys think that they aren’t my number one priority every second of every day. They are always on my mind. For a woman that wanted and still wants a baby girl so badly, who knew that two boys would make my world go round? My Mlarge and Smedium. Lol

So…. I am super off topic. Choosing my words wisely are not part of a game play. I understand the weight of my words and the impact they have and because I am in a better state of mind, it is my responsibility to use my words in a productive and healthy manner. Say what you want to say and try to be direct. When I talk in circles, much can get lost in translation and misunderstood. Not everyone was equipped to understand the way my mind works like some. If I want to be respected and listened to, I have to be understood.

Okay, well, with that, I will say goodnight.

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