My Head is in the Books

I have been knee deep or I should say head deep in books today. I have completed all of the work for my Public Speaking classes needing only comments on discussions to be totally done but these kids don’t do what is instructed so I don’t know how to respond in a meaningful manner – which is needed for full points. I did receive a raving comment from my Professor saying that she was so impressed with my first Journal entry and that I am an exceptional writer, she looks forward to guiding me through this semester. I was stoked. It was the confidence boost I needed to plow through the rest of her assignments. I still haven’t recorded my video for Argumentation and I just need to suck it up and get it done otherwise I am going to find myself in a pickle. Don’t want to lose points on an introduction…. Currently, I was lost in pages about Persuasion and lost track of time, which is why I am posting so late. Still have work for that class and notes to take. Oh, another long night….

Lately I have been told by many people how great my writing skills are and I should really think about being a writer. Well, that does fall into my degree but, it is not something I have given much thought to. I have considered it before but with my all over the place style, I just didn’t see how it would work. I have a hard time keeping a focus, as you well know. I have so many ideas for books… you never know right? We will see where the wind takes us. Maybe through the classes I am taking this semester I will gain the knowledge and confidence to try my hand at it. I have a lot to say and that may be a new forum for me to use and gain more exposure. I don’t know. I am too focused on what I’m doing right now to give any real thought to that. It is always wonderful to be recognized for something that you enjoy doing.

I got to chat with my bestie a bit tonight, much needed, I need to see her even more! She just makes me feel better about myself and what I am doing. She never sugar coats anything so a kudos is an honor. It amazes me how different we are but in the areas that truly matter we are so much alike. I don’t know who I would be if she weren’t in my life and inspiring me to be unapologetically me. Then there is my son, we just had another great talk. I have to keep breathing positivity into his life. What’s going on right now and this social distancing is really putting a toll on these kids. His friends are getting depressed and cabin fever but we are all doing our part to make sure that they are safely able to see each other every once in a while. Ugh, if I had a place, things would be different. Until then, we have to do what we can and pray that God’s plan for our place will come to fruition sooner than later. Have I mentioned that we are ready? lol My boy, he just gets down we he thinks about things. He tells me that he is the reason people leave me that he makes my life harder. Fuck! That angers me in a way that is inexplicable. I remind him that HE is God’s gift to me and neither him or I can control another person’s actions. He makes my life worth living and he makes it easier to breathe. I hate the burdens he bares that are not his. He’s an amazing kid and yes, he makes me want to scream at times, but, that is all kids. So, every once in a while, momma has to do the you is smart, you is kind, you is important for him and hopefully fill his tank. I’ll always be his biggest supporter.

I guess lately others have been doing that for me. People have been breathing positivity into my life. Expressing words of gratitude, even admiration. I am catching attention of people that I didn’t think would notice me. I am doing all of this work and still sometimes forget that I am worth the attention and noticing. I deserved those kind words from my professor. I am somebody. I am me, I am Stephanie and I deserve the accolades I am receiving. I’ve worked hard to get here and damn it, I am going to enjoy it. When I fill my tank, when I am responsible for making sure I am happy, I am at my best, I can offer my family, friends and the world, the best version of me. I have too much riding on this to disappoint anyone, especially me. Keep it going Steph, ain’t no stopping me now. Jesus take the wheel because my head is in these books – 3 more classes…. let’s go!

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