I have put so much pressure on myself about this semester that I already want to run away. I know that I am being silly and this is all in my head but, it doesn’t make it any easier. I have written everything in my planner and then another cheat sheet so that I don’t let anything slip through the cracks. It is the first week and my Public Speaking professor is not going easy on us. I have to record an Intro video for Argumentation, the only one kind of giving me a break is my Persuasion professor but I even have two assignments for that class. God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle though right? Just breathe Stephanie. You have been through more trying times than this and have lived to tell the story. This is setting you up for your future and if it was easy, you wouldn’t want it. So, take a breath and give yourself an opportunity to do this your way.
I feel like I have all of these supportive people around me but no one understands what I am going through so, I am all alone. It is wonderful to have support, don’t get me wrong and my mom is finally in my cheering section so I am very happy but, when you need to talk to someone, or rather, not say anything at all and just need someone to “get” you, it is hard when they can’t relate or know what you are feeling. They can only smile and nod and say they are here for it. I miss not having to say anything and someone knowing what I was thinking or feeling because they just knew. I am embarking on some big changes.
Okay, so, what can I do to fix it? I need to get out of this house for one. I think it is time for a trip to the beauty salon. I need a trim and maybe some color. If I have to be recording speeches, I need to look my best. Project confidence right? I have to do what feels right.
I think I need to pace myself as well. Part of me wants to keep going tonight and crank out as much work as I can and the other part of me wants to celebrate my little victories for the day and watch The Duff for like the millionth time. Oh, just talking this out I feel a little bit of a release. C’s will get me through this semester, I can do better so I set high expectations and then worry that I can’t live up to them. Feeling the pressure but up to the challenge. I’ve got this.
I had so much more I was going to write but, my hands are tired and my brain is mush. I just sent my thoughts off on a tangent and can’t seem to regain my focus. I am good though. And, this too shall pass.