Now I don’t mean this in a bad way, well, not in the greatest way either. I think we just need to get it through our skulls that at the end of the day, we have to be self reliant. It is nice if someone can offer a hand or provide a favor but do not put all of your eggs in that basket. At the end of the day, if a plan falls through, it only affects you. You’ve got to have a back-up plan and maybe even a back-up to the back-up. Like don’t let anyone drive your ship, you understand?
I’ve gotten my hopes up one too many times thinking people would stand by their word, but, most people aren’t built like me and I’ve been the one to suffer the consequences. Most of the time, someone’s generosity stems from the fact that they’ll get something out of it too. When I do something for someone it is out if the kindness of my heart. I remember one of my first bosses telling me that I needed to only surround myself with people that could elevate my status and if someone couldn’t aid in my success, my future then I should lose the deadweight. It was then that I saw her for who she truly was. I couldn’t be that person. I wasn’t raised that way. I have friends and family from all walks of life and I would never shun them because they couldn’t add anything tangible to my life. That’s some bs. The people God ushers into my life is for a reason and they add something that was missing before their arrival.
My life is what I make of it and when someone let’s me down, I have to believe there is something better waiting for me around the corner. I just can’t get my hopes up. If something comes of it, yay… if not, that is okay. So, I don’t mean to be negative. I just want to point out that it is only our responsibility to ensure we get where we are going. Knowing that will hopefully lessen the stress.
I’ve been so lost in though today. For some reason awful things, memories keep going to mind. Things I would rather not remember and I’m not sure why they are coming to the surface now. Perhaps to remind me that I knew things that I tried not to know. That my gut is always right. I am not sure but I am ready for this portion of the process to cease. I just keep looking ahead and wondering what awaits me tomorrow and the next day. Praying I will continue to have the strength to show up for me as I have been. I can’t let me down. Somehow, some way…