Laying Low

I gave myself a break and allowed recovery time from this last quick semester/session thing I completed. I start again on Monday and feel overwhelmed with the things I want to accomplish in the meantime. But, I deserve a little victory for the awesome effort I gave. I finished strong. My body is a bit sore and I was so tired but I pushed myself and kept the momentum as I crossed the finish line.

I’m to the point now where I am motivated to have my physical stamina match my mental stamina and I haven’t really felt that way since I was in high school. The last time I lost all that weight, I wasn’t healthy, I just lost weight. I got good at counting calories but didn’t back it up with exercise or physical activity. Thankfully my mentality has changed and I know that the physical activity and flexibility is even more important than the number on the scale. I love myself with all the weight I currently have and I just want to be able to keep up with my kids instead of being in the cheering section because I can’t participate.

I know that mentally I’m in a bit of a funk. I felt more positive today and that’s why I decided to recuperate. Things are becoming clearer, my fire inside is igniting again and I feel a push towards what I want coming. I have to fight for what makes my soul sing, for the people that I would give my life for. I can’t give up on what I’ve started and I am re-energized and filled with the belief that I can do this.

I make myself feel like I have to do something drastic, I need to make a noticeable difference but, thats ego speaking and I refuse to have anything I do come from that energy ever again. Ego is selfish. Then I saw a little ornament that my Nana has with an angel holding a turtle. The sign I needed for multiple reasons…. but, the tortoise wins the race Steph. Slow and steady. No one needs to see what you’re doing, you just have to feel it inside of you. I’m not impressing anyone, well, maybe I am but, that’s not my intent. I am choosing growth, I am choosing to fill my tank, to reach my full potential and at the end of the day, I deem if the job I’ve done is satisfactory or if I push harder tomorrow. No one else holds the measuring tape.

There is strength in this struggle. The more I break down my fears and anxieties, the freer I am from the oppressive shackles I’ve held on to willingly for so damn long. I see beyond what’s at face value and I can read between the lines…if I want to. I just got complacent and was content with mediocrity. Not being me completely allowed me to skate by being unnoticed in a crowd of people vying for attention. It’s unbecoming of me and doesn’t suit me well. God made me to stand out, he doesn’t like Stephie in a corner and he’s positioning me to shine and be a beacon of hope to so many others. Until then, I put in the work and remain humble, taking a break when needed and revel in the peace.

Soon I’ll be at full speed ahead. Gotta make sure I’m ready for what’s next.

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