I am riding off a high of getting a perfect score on my Intro to Film Final, well the questions part, that I was relaxing and lost track of time. I answered all 50 questions right. Yes, it was open book but, I knew most of the questions and the ones I didn’t, I knew where in the book to look. It pays to read your chapters. So, I have a documentary to watch tomorrow and complete an assignment on and that class will be done.
Miah and I hung out most of the day. We got to go see my new furry brother…who absolutely loves MyMi! Went out into town real quick and got to visit with his girlfriend. We stopped at our plug, The Cookie Plug that is for some delicious cookies too! It is always nice to just have some us time. He’s growing too fast! Over 6′ tall now, towering over his momma. Our life is not what it should be so I have to keep reiterating that he always has me. I will never leave him no matter what. He’s got trust and abandonment issues and I don’t want them to continue growing. We can’t make people be in our lives. We can miss them and love them but if they don’t want to share in our lives, it is not a reflection of him.. All I can do is love the shit out of him to try to fill the void.
As I said yesterday, we are ready for change. We don’t know the how but we are ready.
Nights 🌙 are hard for me more recently. I went from having a bunch of dreams to now not being able to go to sleep. My mind is up to some crazy stuff. Keep working through all that stuff though. The sooner it is unpacked and gone through, the faster I can be done with this part of the process. I need some decent sleep. Don’t need 8 hours just good sleep.
I have learned compassion for myself through yoga and although, I haven’t been doing it long, I can see slight differences in my body. Which means, now I have to keep it up. I am able to lovingly push my boundaries through exercise while breathing through whatever pain physically and emotionally that I am feeling. I can show myself grace when a pose is difficult but, instead of reverting to a child’s pose, I go as far as I can and hold. I give in to the pose and the process. I give in to me.
My world doesn’t look how I imagined it or how it should be but, I still have to keep waking up and giving it my all. One day, everything will be the way it is meant to be and I will know I’m “home.” Until then we pray and keep the faith.
Happy, sad, good, bad, near or far…