And, so it begins!

We have started our adventure to bring in the new year. Things are a little chaotic at the moment but we are all settled in, well, in one room for tonight. We get our other room tomorrow. I can’t wait to get outside and explore…. as much as we can while we social distance. It is hard to be doing these things on our own, we are thankful for family and the support we are being given, all of our people showing up for us, trying to make these holidays the absolute best they can be.

Miah showed me a video of a little boy wanting his Uncle G for Christmas, his Uncle G lived far away. The family banded together and surprised the little boy with a big present (Uncle G was in a box). The little boy couldn’t believe it, he was so excited. Uncle G was in tears. Miah said that the video really got to him. His eyes got all teary. While I can’t change our circumstances, I am grateful that he is feeling his feelings and finding ways to express them.

This transition is going to be the hardest of my life. It is like I’m on a Rollercoaster and we are inching towards the top of a huge drop. I am gripping the bar so tight, my stomach is in knots and I’m questioning why I even got on the ride. At the same time, I know that the drop will be swift and then I’ll be on my way back up and that I’m already on the ride and at this point, there is no getting off, only bracing myself for what is to come. Have you ever watched Parenthood (the movie)? When Grandma talks about her love of Rollercoasters? I made Honey watch it, hoping he would understand the ups and downs of life and love but, I know now that I don’t think I quite got it either. I’m glad I do now… even though it is too late.

I must admit, I am nervous for what 2021 will bring. I am concerned about completing 2 classes in 3 weeks time. I know many have done it before me and I know that if I put my mind to it, I will be just fine. The pressure is mounting and I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in charge. I look down at my wrist and remember to have faith in everything. I refuse to let useless worrying consume time meant to share with others and make memories.

Tomorrow is an early morning with a quick grocery run and then we will see what the day brings. I am committed to this blog and promise to find the time to write. I don’t know what will be written but, I’ll be here at some point. I am missing the companionship I’m used to at this time of year… what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right? Okay… work on your resolutions, don’t forget. Perhaps I’ll share a few with you later. I’m learning to keep the important stuff to myself. Certain things don’t need to be shared.

Caught between the happiness of the memories we are making and my heart hurting over the ones I’m reminiscing. 💔 would I take back all I’ve learned to go back in time? No. I wasn’t all I was meant to be then. I loved the shit out of my family but, in loving myself now, I have so much more to give… if I could. Well, goodnight and we will be back here tomorrow. 😴

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