Tonight Jupiter and Saturn were supposed to align and with that a lot of people that are spiritual believe that the things they’ve been manifesting, the lives lived in the 5d will show themselves in the 3d. I keep getting messages and seeing signs that everything I’ve worked for is going to come to fruition. While I am anxious to see it come true, I’m also at a point where I am not holding my breath. I know that there are powers bigger than me at work, right this very instant, aligning things in my favor but, I can’t sit around waiting for it all to come to me. There are some things that I just have to go and get myself. If I want it, if I know it is mine, if it is meant for me, then nothing and no one can stand between me and whatever it is. Then there is timing. Is it the right time? Does it even matter? There is never a perfect time. You’ve just got to take a leap of faith and trust that you won’t fall flat on your face.
I catch myself getting emotional and then something pulls my attention and I get lost in what I am doing. I am very grateful for those moments. I have found myself so busy as of late, I don’t have time to do much besides what I am focused on. I listen to Christmas music when I can but honestly, haven’t had any time for my Hallmark movies, shoot, I am even behind on my Grey’s Anatomy – can you believe it? I am exhausted just running around and doing the things I have to do. The every day things that make life so great. I love how much I have been laughing and just being silly. How much of me is coming out and I’m just going with the flow. I’ve given myself more responsibilities than I needed to have these next couple of weeks but, I’m beyond the point of being mediocre. Go big or go home!
Miah and I get each other so much it is crazy. The love that we share is immeasurable. We are missing half of our tribe, we are doing things and getting through each day without their presence but we have each other to get through it. It frustrates me that I can’t change it for him, I can just be there and propel us through. He keeps saying how proud of me he is. I heard him telling his girlfriend again how I am killing it at school and oh man, what a compliment that is. I’ve got him thinking about his future too… and don’t you know, his momma is heavily on his mind. He has these journal topics he has to write for English. If any talk about the future, I’m in all of them. Yes, he wants success for himself but equally, he wants to make sure his momma is well taken care of. Now, I plan on being able to handle that all for myself but, I love where his heart is. I am blessed that I taught my son that family is more important than anything else and we always show up, we never give up and we take care of each other. It’s a lesson we continue to be tested on but one we’ve never failed. We show up, we dig our heels in and we fight for one another. I pray that I’m doing right by him, that he will not have to struggle as much as I have, that he will be luckier in love than me. All I can do is prove every day that momma may make mistakes but I never give up.
Christmas has snuck up on me and somehow I feel the magic of the season. The memories of Christmas’ past fill my heart with such a happiness. I was so in love, I was so happy, I had the absolute perfect little family. I am forever grateful for all that God blessed me with, us with… forever. I wish sometimes that we had a chance to be Ebenezer Scrooge. That we could be reminded of Christmas’ past…. before each other and then with each other, be reminded of the magic. Go to this Christmas and show how things are so different than they should be and then of course, Christmas future and how things are going to look if we keep going the way we are. At the end of the day, that’s all a fairytale and all I can do is be true to myself and pray on the rest. I’ve had some great days this month and more are going to happen. Tonight we saw the most amazing drive through light thing. I felt like a little kid driving through it, I can’t explain. A sense of everything is going to be okay came over me. I believe it to be true. God won’t let me stay in this limbo too long, it doesn’t look good on me. lol
So, my face hates masks. My face gets all red and irritated and then I break out in little whiteheads on my cheeks… it sucks big time! After I wash my face, it hurts so bad. It is red and sore and feels like I scraped it with something harsh. I have gained a few of the pounds I had lost eating some delicious food. I learned how to make some amazing guacamole, pasta salad, enchiladas, mexican rice, pico de gallo, velveeta mac n’ cheese, and a few other things. I can’t be disappointed though. I deserve it all and the astonishing thing is, when I look at myself in the mirror, I love that woman. I have respect for her – the redness on her face and those little pimples, they are from going out shopping for her family so that they don’t have to during this crazy time, the extra weight is from learning to make some good ass food and then indulging in her creations, the dark circles are from filling her day from the morning to the evening with running a household, taking care of business and still finding time to complete her homework, those beautiful silver strands in her hair, those are her battle scars from this fucked up year and proof that she is still going. I look at myself with respect and understanding but mostly love. My heart is full with love for my people, for my family, for myself. My head is clear, I am not confused or at a loss for words. I know who I am, I know what I want, I am determined to get it. I’m not afraid of what’s to come… I’m ready for whatever it is.
Magic can come from pixie dust or colorful Christmas lights, it can come from prayers answered and manifestations coming true…. magic has many ways of finding its way to you. Good things are heading our way. Just believe!!