I receive the daily devotionals from Joel Osteen each morning. I don’t read them every day, I know I should but, I felt compelled yesterday and of course, it was wonderful. He wrote that God is looking for nevertheless people. When you don’t see how you can ever accomplish your dream, get your health back, or see your family restored, say, “The odds are against me. It looks impossible. I tried and it didn’t work out; nevertheless, I still believe. Nevertheless, I’m going to try again. Nevertheless, I’m going to keep praying, hoping, and expecting.” Always ending with a prayer – Father, thank You for the dreams and desires that You put in me that are bigger than I achieve. It looks too big for me; nevertheless, I know that with You all things are possible. I believe that what You have started in my life You will finish. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
It goes along with what I’ve been saying about blind faith. No matter what, or nevertheless, I have to believe that this is all part of His plan and just keep swimming regardless of what comes my way. I’ve made hard decisions with this in mind, and I’ve stayed the course even when the easy way out looked so tempting. I remind my family that stressing won’t change anything but for some reason, there are a few things that have been causing me stress. Believe me, I am fighting it… it’s just difficult. I’m fine with where I’m at in life, it was inevitable but how it’s coming about, how it’s playing out, I’m just having such a hard time. I want to understand things that I’m not meant to push, I prefer all of the facts when making life altering decisions… I’ve had that right taken away from me before and hated it.
With all of that, I have moments of pure bliss. My son messaging me that he loves me more than I love him or my niece saying my name over and over and over again. Even staying up til all hours of the night doing schoolwork and still getting up in the morning to face my day regardless if I am tired or not is a reason to smile. I love the little moments, they help to ground me and point me back to what matters and why I am doing what I am.
I am having a hard time writing this tonight. I have a lot going on in my head but it’s just not coming out right. Perhaps the lack of sleep is catching up with me or the fact that finals week is next week. I am in awe that I have almost completed my first semester back at school. I can’t believe I have committed myself to the Winter and Spring sessions. I’m doing it. I am making my way.
Anyways, tonight is a mess but, it is what it is. I’ve got to stop and probably go to bed. I don’t think reading my chapter is in my best interest this tired. Goodnight!