Have you ever noticed that when you hold a baby, your arm can fall asleep or hurt but, it’s never to the point where you feel like you’re going to drop them? But, then you remember the last time you carried 5 bags on each arm from the grocery store (don’t tell me I’m the only one that does that) and your arms were hurting before you got five steps away from the car. Crazy right? The difference is… what’s important. Now, if you don’t have a lot of money like me, then groceries are important but, they are also replaceable. A baby on the other hand, they are irreplaceable and we protect them at all costs, even a numb arm. So, why am I talking about this? Well, because that’s what came to mind today. I think it was my lesson.
I always carry a lot on my shoulders, who doesn’t? The difference is if I can feel it or not. There are some days I feel so weighted down by everything and then others where I feel like I could run a 10k (okay, remember, I said feel… ya, my ass cannot run that far), it doesn’t mean that there is less on my shoulders, it’s just the priority of what’s there. Let’s break it down. Work is bothersome, maybe one day it won’t be but, if you dread going to work, then anything associated with it is going to bog you down. Family, family is a blessing and even when you have a million responsibilities (like being a single parent) and things aren’t going right, it doesn’t feel like a chore, it’s just stuff you have to get done. We have to start taking inventory of the things and people and collected junk in our lives. Sit with yourself. Maybe even make a list. Pick an item, when you think of it, does it make you heavy or light? Now, I have a teenager that drives me crazy, but, even after all of that, he’s not heavy (well, he is tall but super duper skinny…I’m not talking about weight though). No matter what comes my way where he is concerned, it’s just an obstacle that needs to be tackled. My last job with the administrator that disliked me, I dreaded going to work even though I kicked ass at what I did. It weighed me down, it put me in a bad mood, I felt yucky. THAT, that has no place in my life.
We can take it a step further and think about relationships, with that, there’s something I learned. When it’s new “love” or maybe just infatuation, you say you love the other person because…. because they are beautiful, because they are kind, because they make you feel good. BUT, when you’re in love, when you’ve made a life, you love them even though. Even though they drive you crazy, even though you fight, even though they leave the cap off of the toothpaste, you love them. See, the even though, that’s light, it’s not heavy. Heavy is no bueno. Ion even like it. lol….
Just think about all of the things you can release, if you think about if it were a baby or a heavy bag of groceries. This is your life, this is my life. I rather be tired from doing what I want than doing what’s required of me. Then it also doesn’t feel like work. I have been getting maybe 5 hours of sleep a night and have been so consumed with stuff during the day that I am constantly going and although I feel it at night when I am nearing the end of my homework or writing this blog, I still power through because I love what I am doing. I don’t feel weighed down, I feel motivated, like a strongman about to bench press all this that I’m carrying around with me. It’s silly the way that ideas come to me. But again, that’s me deconstructing my day as midnight lingers and I figure out what surfaces, what caught my attention. This weekend will be all about more schoolwork and another paper. Next week is a big one and I have to get ready… no weighing down nonsense, Stephie.
My heart is a little heavy today. Working on that and what it means. But, it is almost the strike of 12 and then I turn into a …. you thought I was going to say pumpkin! I wish, I have more work to do. Anyways, happy Friday y’all. Here’s to the weekend!