What this day consisted of, the thoughts that ran through your head, the series of events that took place, everything that happened or didn’t happen are unique to today. Tomorrow is full of limitless possibilities and each decision is a choice we are making, picking one thing, action, feeling, sentence over countless others. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Today could have overwhelmed us, but, we can’t take any of that into tomorrow. When we say our prayers at night, we give thanks for the day and give it all to God. Any worries or stress we may have experienced, if it’s still unresolved, then we talk it out and pass all that over to Him. Sleep is a natural reset for our mind, body and spirit, the goal is to wake up in the morning renewed and refreshed, grateful for the new day and starting out feeling blessed.
I have always reset with the day. Yes, some issues will always linger but never when it comes to what’s important to me. Work, that’s were the stresses carried over and the sick, yucky feeling was pitted in my stomach. My family, no matter if we argued the day before, today is a new day and we will treat it as such. I think that’s why I like to start and finish one class each day. I don’t like to carry over to the next day. Knock out one class, learn all I have to learn, complete my assignments and be done with it for the week. I am not discounting anyone’s feelings or pretending that everything magically disappeared, I am choosing to not let yesterday affect my tomorrows.
I like structure. I get satisfaction from starting and completing something. In my career, in what I want to do, what I am used to doing, I have deadlines but some are a year long and I take pleasure in other tasks that I can start and end within a few hours. In true Gemini form, I am also a procrastinator and tend to wait until the last minute to get something done but, in my defense, the work usually turns out better than if I had completed it with time to spare. When I’m in a time crunch, I don’t second guess myself and go with my gut. I can’t complain if that’s what I felt I needed to do. In life this year, this has proven true time and time again. Sometimes mistakes are made. Nothing is an exact science. Recently I had a decision to make, it was not an easy one and although, I know I made the right decision, it still has the possibility to haunt me. I knew this going into it but, I knew what had to be done. There’s another such decision looming in my head. I keep going over it, I know what to do, but, I am just not sure I am ready to do it and I won’t make the decision until I know I can commit.
I feel safe in today. I have gotten accustomed to living for the day and not worrying about tomorrow until it comes. Now that I have all these things I have to plan for, part of me wants to bury my head in the sand. I’m not that person anymore and taking the necessary steps forward to ensure these plans comes to pass is easier said than done. This is a sort of test though. Am I practicing what I preach? Have I really learned the lesson? If I haven’t, I will be tested again. We are tested until we learn or He changes the path. I am fighting the urge to be nervous when thinking about all that is coming my way. I am just doing my best to enjoy each day as it comes. Soaking up as much as I can and willing to learn new things each step of the way. In return, I am being rewarded in various ways and my people are showing up for me. I am not alone in this and yet I feel lonely. I think it’s just me, I think it’s the parts of me that are not full, the pieces that are missing. They ache and throb. You would think I would be used to it now but you can never get used to those voids…especially when they should be filled.
Today I accomplished so many things and as I sit here trying to listen to a lecture I can’t keep my focus. Work is due tomorrow for Government and I am too distracted to give it the attention it deserves. My mind is all over the place and I am super tired. Working off of less than 5 hours of sleep is so not the deal. Sleep, who needs sleep? E.T. says we are supposed to be working while the rest of the world is sleeping. That’s what’s sets apart the extraordinary from the ordinary…. baby, there ain’t nothing ordinary about me. I’ve grown to appreciate the quiet of the middle of the night. The time to myself to sit with my thoughts and deconstruct the day. Making mental notes of what I could have done differently, what lessons I think I learned and if I can turn anything into a teaching moment for myself. When I lay in bed and speak with God, that’s where I have to be really honest about if the goals I woke up with are still the ones I am going to sleep with or if I need to ask for a change…maybe even clarification.
Perfectly Imperfect, that’s what I am. I was told that’s why I was loved so…… today is coming to a close. In less than half hour it will be yesterday and no more can be said, done or accomplished. Why hold off until tomorrow, what you can do today? I know I am biting my tongue on a few things but, it’s not my time. What about you? Anything you need to do before midnight? Anything on your list for tomorrow or the weekend? The more we wait for things to be perfect, the more life we miss out on. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. There’s not a perfect time to get married or have children and I’ve proven there’s not a perfect time to go to college. Jump, take a leap of faith and follow your gut, follow your heart. Right now, that’s the only promise we get. If tomorrow comes, that’s a gift but not a guarantee. No matter if we hope or pray, tomorrow will never be today.