Having Faith While Not Holding Your Breath

This is kind of what I am working to master right now, or at least get a handle on. I have unlimited faith in what’s meant for me. I will not waiver, I “just know” it to be true. I was on TikTok today and was watching something and a person commented asking if it was possible to let go of something that you desperately wanted. How would that work? Wouldn’t it seem like you gave up on it? Like you didn’t want it and therefore that’s what you are putting out into the world? The person that posted answered and said no. I knew the answer was no already….smarty pants! The only way I know is because I was there too. I tortured myself over that question and it took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I was not giving up on what I wanted. Because I know it to be true, because I know it will happen, I do not have to worry over it. If something is truly meant for you, nothing and no one can take it from you. God will work it out in your favor according to His timing. So, we are meant to do what we need, never give up faith and know that it will come to pass.

Uncertainty sometimes likes to play tricks with me. I like a plan. It doesn’t have to be set in stone but, I like plans, I like structure, I like thinking of all possible scenarios and to be prepared for the worst. Believe it or not, all of that planning, is actually helping me to go with the flow more. I am able to relax and just breathe, not hold my breath out of fear. I know that something always works out. I know that I am smart enough, strong enough and determined enough to find a way no matter what obstacles I face. I know that if it is God’s will, I will overcome anything that tries to come against me. I have a good head on my shoulders and since I’m used to being knocked down, I’m an expert at picking myself back up, dusting myself off and forging forward with renewed faith and purpose.

My ability to communicate what I am learning, the experiences I’ve had, help to include others on this journey. I am not at a loss for words and I can clearly express what I’m going through and what it is I need from those around me. I am not ashamed to ask for space or a moment to gather my thoughts. I don’t feel guilty for being in school knowing full well that this is only going to set-up my family for future success. My mind is not cluttered and therefore I am able to internalize my assignments and produce work that I am proud of…reflected in my perfect scores! I am more productive now than I have been ever and I’m not as tired. It’s unbelievable what feeling good about yourself and life can do for you. I love to laugh and smile and embrace my silly self. I’ve been very emotional lately but, I expected that and am working on just letting it happen as it comes. Appreciate why I am feeling the way I feel and not be too hard on myself.

I know that I haven’t written my normal novel length post but midnight is nearing and I have to finish a load of laundry and take a shower and re-check to make sure all of my assignments are completed prior to midnight. You know, because then I turn into a pumpkin… lmao. No, really, we’ve been staying up late and I’m not getting the sleep I need. Not enough hours in the day for everything I am working on. It’s cool though. I do what I can and that’s all I can do.

The other day one of my Snapchat memories was a video of the first house we got to decorate with Christmas lights. I remember that night, I was so excited. I can’t wait until the day I can do that again. It may seem small to you but, it means so much to me. I don’t know what made me think of that. Anyways, have a goodnight all!

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