It blows my mind to think back on how many days, months, years that I wasted waking up hating the day, feeling torn between how lucky I was to be loved by the most amazing men I know and how much I hated myself and felt sorry for them that they were stuck with me. I held my breath waiting for the day I lost it all. I kept promising myself that if I could accomplish unnecessary goals then I could finally start living my life the way I wanted, that I would feel worthy of my loves but, that day never came. It was a vicious cycle I was in and it was draining not only on me but them too. It’s a process to let go of that guilt.
All I know right this second is I am so very thankful to wake up feeling blessed and to go bed grateful. To finally accept the good that comes my way, to accept a compliment, to feel worthy of each breath I take and the life I’ve been given. I wish I could let you all know just what the difference feels like to me. I can’t explain it but, it feels good.
Every day brings new opportunities, choices to make, doors close and windows open, I learn a little more about myself and constantly remind myself what I’m doing this all for. It’s not easy, that’s for sure, and there is no guidebook. I just follow my gut and do what feels right. When something feels wrong, I have to have courage to be able to walk away.
We made cookies today and were super silly. Miah and I chatted up a storm. He is getting so handsome! Today was a slow but eventful day and I had only happy thoughts. Happy is my motivation. Now if Healthy could get on board, I’d be in business! Lol soooooo much homework still to do but, I’m too busy enjoying the day. Have you made the most of yours? I hope so.
May tomorrow bring us a better understanding of our life’s purpose. Be blessed!