This week escaped me and I’ve just had so much on my mind that I hadn’t dedicated any time to my schoolwork so I made the decision that today was the day and without distractions. I did take a bit longer to get going but that is because I am still reeling from my emotions yesterday but, I have been working for most of the day and completed the majority of my assignments for the week. I have a response questions thing for Govt and a Chapter 11 Quiz for Statistics but everything else is done. I am debated if I should keep working or allow myself to wind down with some Netflix. Without distractions I was able to do more than I’ve ever done in one day. Which is good because I’ve got some busy days ahead of me and won’t have the time to concentrate on school like I typically do.
I’m trying to get my world in order and I’m doing what I need to do for me. I am afraid I am not making friends by doing this but, this year is about me and I have to see this through. Distractions have prevented me from being further along than I am. It’s easy to take a break or detour when you’re anxious about the direction you are moving in. If I slow my pace perhaps God will course correct and things can change. I’ve been thinking a lot about the changes I’ve made and what the scenario was before that spurred movement. Don’t you know, the answer is me. I was very confident in myself, the most confident I had been up until now. When you’re radiating that, it’s hard to go unnoticed. That’s what I have to get back to. I have to carve out my place in this world. I have to dress up and show up for myself every day. I can’t sit around with my hair in a bun, no makeup on and pajamas and expect to feel like a million bucks, that feels more like naptime. Lol Kidding aside, I need to be the change. I need to see everything I’ve been working towards when I look at myself in the mirror. I have to force myself to get back in a routine. I know 2021 is going to be so different and I’ve only got this time to prepare myself for it.
As I’ve said, distractions have not been my friend and I have to limit them moving forward. Now my family, my kids, that silly Raiyhn of mine, they are not distractions, they are my reason for being. They give me purpose. Working on my holiday spirit and mustering up some Christmas magic is only because they deserve everything this time of year brings and not a mom that’s Bah Humbug because half their family is missing. I have to show up for who’s here and Jeremiah, he deserves a happy momma, he deserves his momma showing up for him no matter who chooses not to. I love him so much. He has been my guiding light and some of the things he says, he is so very smart, the way his mind works. My pretty pitty Princess, hers is adorbs and wearing a new collar, it’s a rainbow (in girly colors) with a bow on it. Raiyhn-bow… get it? She is such the cuddle-bug, and together, those two keep me surrounded with love. Last night I got to Facetime with my Cheese and as per every night, she just walks around with the phone showing me everything and being silly. After we got off, I got a picture from her mom, she was laying on the floor with the phone to her ear talking to me. That would explain why the screen kept going dark. My brother said that she goes around all day asking if she can call her Hiya. I am one lucky Auntie. I pray that God will bless me with a little of my own but with my circumstances the way they are, the window of opportunity is closing and my hopes diminishing.
Anyways, I wrote this post and did so much school stuff, I think I deserve to call it a night. Miah and I have a long day ahead of us and I need to get my rest. I have to pull the last two assignments out of my hat before midnight tomorrow so, that should be fun. I guess my lesson for today is sometimes things are all well and good but, if they don’t match with what you’re trying to accomplish, it’s just a distraction. Can you afford the distraction? Will it derail you? It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, if it’s not meant for you. I had to think long and hard and don’t you know, the answer came to me quicker than I expected. I was just not paying attention. Again, distracted. I am focused now and back on track. So, yay me and my reward is some Netflix as I said earlier, I have my tin of popcorn and about to grab me a Dr. Pepper and have me a good night. I hope you’ll do the same, well not necessarily Netflix and chill but the have a good night part. Until tomorrow friends, goodnight!