I can’t explain why you have faith, if you do. I hope you do, and if you don’t, I pray you find some. I have faith. Faith in God, faith in myself, faith in goodness, faith in humanity but, it all stems from my faith in God.
I believe in Him and I know He has my best interest at heart. Afterall, He took the time to create me, to create those I love in all their perfection imperfections that make them perfect for me. I have seen Him restore families, I have felt his presence in my darkest hours. Although sometimes we go through life and don’t call on Him, doesn’t mean He isn’t always with us.
He has been calling me to take this self discovery journey for such a long time. I was too busy treading water, holding on to what I had instead of letting go so I could receive what else He had in store for me. So, He took away half of what makes me, me. Half of my heart, half of my breath, half of my world to get my attention, and boy, did He get it. But, before I had time to fall to pieces, He was already there with arms extended asking for me to put blind faith in Him, and promised if I put in the work, He would make a believer out of me. Not a believer in Him, I was already there but, a believer in myself.
With a broken heart and a mind searching for answers, to make sense of the senseless, too weak to fight for my family so definitely powerless against the Almighty, I gave in. Every day He has been guiding me. Proving to me that consistency is key and no big gesture is required. If I were to pick up one grain of sand at a time and relocate it, eventually, the original pile would be noticeably smaller and the other pile would be growing in size. So, each day, I am required only to embrace it, appreciate when the sun comes up just as much as I do the moonlight. Knowing that somehow, some way, He is going to make it okay.
I’ve taken to writing this blog and there are days I want to give up, I don’t want to write, I don’t want to share with anyone what I am going through and especially those that find pleasure in using my words against me. But, then I’m reminded that unlike that grain of sand, this blog is my daily reminder, proof of my consistency, in choosing to do at least one thing for me. And, that the people that take advantage of what I say or try to hurt me, they can’t hurt someone with pure intentions, with a good heart, that’s doing something to better themselves. I am being divinely guided. So, each night, I find the strength to put what’s in my heart and on my mind on paper and trust the process.
Faith to me is the peace I feel when I’m alone and the happiness I share with the ones I love. It’s knowing that no matter what, God has a plan for me. As long as I keep doing my part, He will handle the rest. He’s shown me in the last day that I have to stay true to myself, to what I know in my heart, to have faith without fail and I will have peace. If I try to stray, my anxiety will ensue.
Faith has a purpose, my part and His. He shows me that people are still good in this world but, even though they are good, they might not fit in your world. He made me love myself when I didn’t think that was possible and he hasn’t let me shatter into a million pieces, instead, I’m instructed to have patience…all wonderful things are worth the wait. I’ll never lose my faith, I’ll never doubt the existence of a bigger picture. God is my conductor and I am simply in the ensemble.
When God is for you, no one can come against you. I follow with blind faith knowing that I’m in good hands. I don’t know where I’m going but, I know it’s meant for me and that’s all that matters.