Standards: a level of quality or achievement.
I’ve been known to have high standards for myself, near impossible ones that caused me to beat myself up for not reaching them. Unattainable standards aren’t ideal, yes, reach for the sky but small victories will get you there faster and happier. I wish I would have been easier on myself when I was younger, gave me an opportunity to be a carefree kid but I was too busy wishing I was older, that I was grown up so I could take care of my family.
I put my family first, I’ve sacrificed my individuality for their sake and lost myself when it wasn’t necessary. In my head as long as they were okay, I was okay. Thankfully, I was forced to take a step back and notice that if I wanted change it would have to start with me. I had to lower my expectations. Give myself attainable goals and be patient with me as I navigate through uncharted waters. Don’t get me wrong, I hoped I could master this very quickly and be light-years ahead of where I am but, I changed my high standard from success to happy and as long as for the majority of each day I can honestly say I was happy, well, then it was a good day.
School is a little different. I expect perfection. I was nervous after being gone for so long but I’ve found my way. I have been in school for 12 weeks, so, 3 months as of this week. I have high As in all my classes but as assignment near completion I am nervous my grades will drop. I know that a C is passing but, it’s just not acceptable. This commitment takes time from my family and in order to continue my education and not feel guilty, I have to get good grades. With that, I had to think. I was setting myself up for failure I noticed. Yes, I want the best grades I can get but, the general ed classes, I don’t really care if my best happens to be a C as long as the classes that go towards my major are completed with an A. I must be able to excel in the area that I want to make a career out of.
Speaking of career, I get nervous just thinking about having a degree and being able to pursue a job in the field I’m passionate about. I have started researching more. I’m compiling a list of books and finding people doing what I want that I can follow on social media. I have decided to take a winter course and then some o line classes I’ve found. I’m not expecting perfection as long as I continue to make an effort to learn. I know I have to work for it. No days off.
I’ve been getting frustrated because others don’t take things as seriously as I do. Then I have to breathe and remember that I don’t control them, I only control myself. Everyone’s priorities are different, the way they approach things and how the handle them. I can’t force anyone to act or feel as I do. I have to keep doing what I feel is right and go from there.
Watching shows with my Nana tonight and there was something that caught my attention. A new motto for me possibly and a way to guide a decision. A man said if your heart is right, follow your gut. Yes! Confirmation! That’s a wonderful way to think.
So, standards, don’t lower them, I haven’t, I’ve just broken up the journey into attainable mile markers that make it easier to appreciate how far I’ve come and not focus on how far I still have to go. If you’re slow going or things are coming to fruition fast enough, perhaps it is time you reevaluate as well. You may see something from a different angle or you may give yourself a break. Be easy on you, I know it’s easier said than done. No one was given a manual at birth. We are all doing the best we can and some days that’s going to look like a lot less than on other days but, you’ll make up the difference at some point. Enjoy life, don’t be so hard on yourself.
My heart is right, so I’m following my gut. God guide my path, amen.