I had to run errands today and I took my time. I was able to go out shopping and allowed myself to browse and not be in a rush. Waiting to get my Nana’s battery replaced I witnessed disorganization among the employees but I didn’t mind because I had nowhere I had to be. It was refreshing. Today was a beautiful day to be out and about and talk to all the nice people I came in contact with. I had the radio up high singing along to the songs while driving and just enjoying my time. I didn’t rush the day and It was quite alright with me.
I had so much time to myself, to think, to breathe, to just be. I fell in love with myself a little more somewhere along the day. My happy was just shooting out of me like a light. I made sure to be pleasant with everyone and I received kindness in return. I was able to notice the stores where people are mindful of social distancing and the ones that attract people that just don’t care. The only thing I wish I would have done differently is to have sat outside somewhere and enjoyed a meal. I was alone but, I think it still would have been amazing.
I bought a couple of things for my hope chest and made some plans for Christmas, time is escaping me and I haven’t even started. I feel like I have to keep pushing myself forward, I have to keep moving because if I stop, the pain that I am avoiding is going to sneak right in and take over. I was speaking with my brother this evening and had to fight off the tears. Writing that sentence brought them back to my eyes. I am so very grateful and blessed for the reasons I want to cry, I would not ever trade any of that to not have this pain. The pain makes it real, reminds me that it wasn’t all a dream.
I was told I am beautiful today, I had a handful of men helping me when only one was needed. It took me by surprise and then I was flattered. I’m not used to feeling worthy of attention and then not paying attention because I’m not available. AND, while I am not available now, it’s great to be seen. Only would have been better if it was a specific person showering me with attention. It’s okay though… still put a smile on my face.
I heard some great songs on the radio today with lyrics that were meant for me. I heard one twice and although I am sure I’ve heard it many times before, I never paid attention to the words before. Come and Go by Juice WRLD. It’s pretty good… I listened to a bunch of country songs too, I don’t know the names of them. My day felt like a cool breeze, refreshing and welcoming. I have homework to do and that’s okay because I am in such a great mood. I am so very happy with my life and myself. Yay, Stephie! Anyways, sending you good vibes and wishing you an incredible evening.
Today is my Nana’s bday but tomorrow is the day we’ve always celebrated it. Today is Friday the 13th again and my family is not watching the movies… things are so different but, somehow I am breathing. That’s a miracle in itself. God has a plan for us, gotta keep the faith! xo