Oxymoron

I, myself am an oxymoron. Some would chalk it up to the Gemini in me but, I think it’s just me. I am perfectly imperfect… at least I think so. I have been so consumed with my freedom, not being confined, to choose anything and everything I please and yet, somehow, I thrive with structure and boundaries. I guess that’s the beauty in our individualities. Each person was created by God to be different from everyone else. He uniquely chose everything about us down to the smallest detail. It’s quite impressive when you think about it and if you pause for a moment, you may just feel grateful for who you are, flaws included.

I love school and the structure that it provides and somehow I wait until the last minute to complete my coursework because that’s when I turn out the best work. I used to plan annual conventions and my co-workers wanted everything planned as far in advance as possible. I didn’t work that way, I had everything figured out but didn’t sign contracts or buy large items until I was secure that our sponsorship dollars would come in, until I was certain that nothing would come up and leave me at a disadvantage and I knocked out the best conventions the company had ever seen. I know that my way of thinking doesn’t suit everyone but, with patience and an open mind, one will value what I bring to the table. I used to doubt that, I thought that if anyone showed me attention, I should be grateful for the opportunity being given. I’m so glad I see now that I am someone to be pursued, be it friendship or more, I do not have to settle for scraps. My mind works in an unorthodox way and I think the words it produces, the feelings they incite, the bonds I am capable of building and strengthening are a testament to the woman I am, to the specialness that exists inside my soul.

I am so blessed that when I sit down at night to pour my heart out on these pages, I reminisce over my day, I give thanks to the Lord above and I imagine myself with my hands spread out looking up to the sky and dancing in the rain. I have inspired myself to do what I thought was impossible and you know, it was…. because impossible is built by combining two words – I’M POSSIBLE! I am possible, I can do anything I put my mind to, I can love infinitely, I can conquer my fears, I can slay dragons and break cycles, I can empower others and build them up, I can be me and appreciate who I am with no conditions. I am learning what I want and what I don’t want in this life, I am giving myself the power to decide and stand firm in my decision. I am smiling with tears running down my face as I say this…. it’s my choice. What’s in my life is because I choose for it to be, what’s not is because of the same. There is only one exception but, that’s between me and God. I can’t wait to be able to dance around in my own house, in my own bedroom every evening to music of my choice as I gather my thoughts for you, for us, for this.

Have you ever been your own champion? Have you ever been in admiration of yourself? Have you ever been so tired you want to give up and yet so invigorated that you push on? I am standing tall in my power. Everything happens for a reason and I know I am being prepared for something bigger than me. I am safe inside my little world but, I’m being called out of it. God gave me talents that will be needed by this world soon, he gave me the gift of words and writing, allowing me to be able to invoke inspiration and hope into others with what I have to say. It’s almost time where I will be needed to fight for what I believe in, to be the change, to give others direction and purpose. I’m beyond nervous and honestly hoping things go the way we want so I won’t have to speak out but there are things in life that we have to fight for and I know what’s worth fighting for…. I wish others knew but, ignorance is bliss sometimes.

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: