Oh my goodness, my stomach is in knots and I can’t tear myself away from the news on the elections. I have decided to write this and then call it a night. I can’t keep checking on something, waiting for the outcome when I have no control over it. I did my part and I have to trust the process. Sounds like the same as some other things in my life!
Anyways, I am exhausted, but, it’s so very worth it. I love my nieces and I appreciate how close we are getting. I am so blessed to have this time with them, especially my youngest niece to create a bond that will hopefully last a lifetime. My nephew is only days old and I get to hold him a few minutes a day until he is looking for his momma for some food. Lol. I see their little family and I see what I want, I see that my dreams are not unreal, that two people can choose each other, can stick together even on the days they may not like each other, they can be a close knit family unit. Again, God gives me signs right when I need them and I think that is telling me not to give up hope on what I want my future to look like.
I think what I crave in my life is consistency, nothing is consistent in my life except for having to wear a mask when I’m out in public. I by no means want a predictable life but I want to know that people are going to show up, that they are going to stay, that right or wrong, good or bad, I’m worth staying for, fighting for, compromising with… you know? Everything that is supposed to withstand the storm was carried away when a breeze came through. Our country is so divided and yet, we’ve grown up with the notion that we are the land of the free and home of the brave but all I see are a bunch of childish people throwing fits to get their way. Consistency is key. I will always show up, even if I may not want to, I will always show up because that’s who I am. I will always be kind and when you push me to my limits and I do on occasion explode, I will apologize for doing so. I believe in something far after I’ve learned the truth, I give more than I get, but, you know what to expect from me. I just want the same out of people and life. What I give out, I would appreciate in return.
I have some pretty amazing qualities I am finding out. I guess that most people don’t think the way I do and I am finding it quite unique. All of this proves that God did create me uniquely and I have to push forward in figuring out what difference I am supposed to make in this world. A world that I don’t know what tomorrow holds. It really is so very stressful to say the least. I am losing my thought and falling asleep while writing this. I guess like a mom, I need to get my sleep while the littles are sleeping. Speaking of littles, I love my son, he continues to amaze me by the person he is becoming. I am grateful that I was given such a wonderful kid.
I know that my writing has not been on point. I have so much in my head and just afraid to share it with you. Not because I have something to hide but because I am still making sense of it all myself. I’ve learned that there are some things I need to do on my own. My need for independence is growing. My ability to communicate openly with my mom is invigorating and changed our dynamic. I will do my best to write tomorrow, possibly in the morning so I can get rest instead of staying up so late.
Keep your fingers crossed for this election, please believe that we will be okay no matter who wins. Okay, I really do keep falling asleep so I will end it and hope that my thoughts came together enough to write this….