I’m not sure I have much to say today. There’s nothing wrong, it’s the exact opposite, so much is going right. It’s just not stuff I want to share. I saw a post and I meant to take a picture but, it’s a group of people watching a parade or something so they are lined up on the sidewalk, the younger people all have their phones out recording whatever it coming down the street but there is one older lady in the front row, she is leaned up against the barrier with her head resting on her hands and taking in the experience. Yes, capturing the moment for you to share via social media or to have for posterity is great but, do you ever notice that you lose the magic by watching something through a camera? The moments when we allow ourselves to just be in the moment, risk not taking photos and just indulging ourselves to enjoy the full experience of what’s going on around us, the memories we collect are worth more than the 1,000 words a photo is. I went about my day with ease and patience with myself, knowing I had a task to complete but understanding that my soul was craving the freedom to just be, to take time to smell the roses.
I’ve laughed a lot in the last couple of days. Not just a few seconds of laughter but uncontrollable, pure laughter about the silliest things. I have talked for hours about nothing and everything, I have filled my tank in the most unique ways. I have been able to step away from my phone for lengths of time because what I was doing, who I was with was more important. In this day I completed my schoolwork for the week, I I danced around the living room to Halloween music and the soundtrack for Coco, I got my sillies out with the Yo Gabba Gabba crew and turned into Godzilla to destroy some legos and this evening I enjoyed a cupcake that wanted to join the party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy. Yes, of course there was time for some SnapChat filter fun and other shenanigans but my favorite moments of the day reside in my head and not captured on my phone. All of it, it was good for my soul. I am relaxed and happy, hopeful and motivated. Even as I sit here tonight, I should be tired with all the lack of sleep I have been getting the last few weeks but I am too overjoyed to care. I am important to so many people, I play an important part in their lives. Worrying about those that I’m not on the same frequency with is not something I am equipped to do, it’s not my issue. I get it now. I am in a good place and only the people and things that are matching my vibration can I attract.
I am at the point in this journey that I can’t worry if someone isn’t keeping pace with me, whomever that is (except my boy). At the end of the day, it is my journey. I can’t wait for something that may never happen, I can give it to God and continue moving forward. I think that’s where the feeling stagnant has been coming from. I still want to help others get to where I am at but if they don’t want the help, I can’t force them to do this with me. I on the other hand have made this commitment. I was talking to my brother today and told him that he needs rest if his body is saying it needs it. He has to give in to what his body needs. I explained how my going back to school is for me and me alone and I still kind of feel guilty for that, for choosing to do something for only me. So, I go through my day assisting Jeremiah and whatever my family needs, I make dinner and if I haven’t already started on my schoolwork, I being after dinner and work into the early morning. Sometimes I only get a few hours of sleep before I have to start it all again. But, I am doing it because that is the time I’ve dedicated to me. Everyone else that needs anything from me is asleep and I can focus on me, on my work and not feel guilty. I was sitting up all hours of the night thinking and distraught over where my life is at but school gave me a positive way to spend my nights that will actually give me a return for my investment eventually. So, I will keep forging ahead.
Anyways, I am going to end here. I have something more important to tend to at the moment. Enjoy your evening because I plan to. Goodnight and I’ll see you back here tomorrow.