Thinking…

I’ve done a lot of thinking today. Going over yesterday and dreaming about the future. I have responsibilities and requests and then my needs that need to be met. I’m doing my best not to be overwhelmed and take it all as it comes. I am only one person and I can’t please everyone. The ones I want to please, well, half of them are only in my dreams. The other half, they’re all about what makes momma happy.

For the longest time, for years I felt like I was on the edge of greatness and no matter what I did, I couldn’t move beyond it. I feel like I’m there again. Thankfully, it feels different but, I’m still eager to see how the puzzle comes together, in which way I am being directed. Everything points to me being on the right path, I guess I’m just anxious to not be in the dark about it.

Things are changing, people are coming into my life and others are still staying at a distance. I don’t know what it all means. Just like this social distancing, things start to open and now they’re getting shut down again. I don’t want to make the wrong move but I know I’m going to have to make one soon. I’ve never been one to take the easy road… I like a challenge and maybe I have to do something bold to shake things up.

As you can tell, I’ve been deep in thought. I want the family. I want my family. I want the partnership, the companionship, someone to wake up and fall asleep to, someone to love me and call just because. I want to share my day and hear about theirs. I want to build a life, a home, a family. I’ve got all that…. in my heart at least. I just want the chance to finish what we started. A whole Stephie with a whole Honey and two boys with our two dogs and maybe baby down the road. He is my home and I want to go home. I don’t care what comes my way, I know which direction my compass points.

Well, I’ve shared enough it seems like. I’ll go back to thinking in my head and now writing it all down here. Time will tell…

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