Lately something will pop into my head and then I immediately get the chills. It’s not like a creepy feeling, I feel more calm and at peace. Kind of like the chills are getting my attention so that I take account of what just popped up into my head instead of dismissing it. My ears have been ringing too. I know that I am leveling up, I am getting attention from people that I never did before. It’s interesting, trying to decide if it’s for a reason or a test. But, either way, I’ve got to keep on movin’. Lol
I am pleased that others are noticing that there’s something different about me, I’ve put in a lot of work to get here. NO, I am not pleased with why I had the epiphany but, I am the me that I was always supposed to be. The one that my family has wanted and needed and the one that they can count on. I’m not sitting on the sidelines, do you know what that feels like? I’m not waiting for me to meet some stupid criteria that I created for me to reach before I can live my life. I am living it as I grow, as I level up, as I learn. I’m making mistakes, I am having fun, I am grieving and healing and taking it day by day. All of the rest of the stuff, the who, how, when, why, what, well, God’s handing that as long as I keep to my end of the bargain.
My friends, let me tell you, this brain of mine…. I am nervous as all hell every time I go to do my work for school, like seriously to the point of procrastination. When I get down to business though, I knock that shit out like it’s nothing. The only time I have gotten answers wrong on my quizzes are when I second guessed myself but, I knew the right answer. My lowest grade right now is a 97.5%. I have more work this week than usual as we have to incrementally work towards our research papers. So, I have to choose an independent and a dependent variable for my Statistics class and create a hypotheses for the research paper. Man, I was stressed and my topic I guess may be controversial because classmates are commenting on the other ones and not mine. I have to be interested in something in order to give my all so, I choose something that I wanted to learn about. As for Government, I have to choose between 4 cases that were tried by the Supreme Court this year and write my paper supporting or arguing against their decision and back it up with facts. I love history, so, this doesn’t phase me at all…. speaking of this, I have the coolest thing I just ordered and I will be sure to show you when it arrives! I don’t know if I shared but, I did receive full credit for the Soundtrack of My Life and my teacher said it was very well written. I hopped around a little between classes, I finished 2 of the 9 things I need to do this week. I could get more done tonight but my freaking internet connection SUCKS! I am doing better than I give myself credit for. I am a good student and I take my assignments seriously. I think going back to school is more than the schooling, I think it’s about proving to myself that I am a priority, that I can listen to my needs and then follow through to provide for myself instead of putting that expectation on someone else.
I want the opportunity to show others how much I’ve changed for the better. That I’m not always so tense, so stressed, I can sit silently by myself and be content. I don’t need as many hours to sleep to function because I have shit to do. I help Miah with his schoolwork during the bulk of the day and then after dinner (sometimes before), I am able to concentrate on my work. I can’t wait to be able to add a new job to the mix, a place to call our own and other things. I know the winds are changing, I know that I’m vibrating on a higher frequency, I know the universe is ending an old cycle so that a new one can begin. I’m in tune with my surrounding and yes, I’m emotional, that’s okay, you can’t rise when you’re tethered to the ground.
Happy, Sad, Good or Bad…Near or Far. ❤