All of the rest of my homework assignments have been completed. I have one more to do before midnight tomorrow night. I am putting a lot of thought into it. Songs for me, they aren’t just something to pass the time, they speak to me, they define feelings when I can’t explain them myself, they represent important times in my life, songs get me through the day. I can find whatever I need when I need it. They are a big part of my life. My mom has such a connection with music and she passed that on to her children.
When looking at this assignment, I have so many ways to decide which way to go. I could go with songs I love, I could go with ones with significant memories, but, I think I want to go with ones that have a meaning for me. I talked this out with my mom today and she was naming songs that I love but, wasn’t quite hitting the mark with where I want to go with my decisions. She was mentioning Try Again by Aaliyah and No Scrubs by TLC, Oh Happy Day and Pink songs that I danced to but, those are songs that the teenage Stephie would have probably picked. Keeping that in mind, I went back to my list and had to eliminate It’s a She Thang by Salt n Pepa and Born to Fly by Sara Evans.
So, what songs mean the most to me right now? I can’t choose all break up songs or love songs or empowerment songs. Feelings and Meanings both have to be considered. I think I have 4 songs – oh, I only have to choose 5 songs, not 10. I know where I want to go with the song, so, it’s just a matter of choosing the right one. It’s crazy to me, this assignment, like everything else in my life, is showing me just how much my life has changed. The songs I would have chosen earlier this year, they probably would have been cheesy, happy go lucky, I’m the happiest, most blessed, woman in the world. A few months ago the songs would have been very down and depressing and emotional. I really want these songs to be a reflection of me NOW.
My taste in music has evolved, I was introduced to music I would have never listened to before and because of that, I find myself looking for those one off that are oh so good. I’ve always been big on listening to lyrics and catch myself doing it more often these days. Depending on my mood, it’s what determines what I listen to that day but, lately, I’ve just been hitting shuffle and letting Spotify decide. Maybe I’ll get “To Be the Next To Be With You” by Mister Big, or “I Wish” by Skee-Lo or “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts…. I think my account has a mind of it’s own and knows exactly what I need because I haven’t had to skip songs. If all else fails, I have my worship music, Canciones de mis Padres by Linda Ronstadt or Headstrong by Trapt.
Someone posted how many days there are until 2021 and honestly, I wish we could skip all of the days to come and go straight there. If there were ever a time in my life where I want to be able to go straight to Go, this is the time. I am getting so anxious as the days pass and I’m nervous that the strength I’ve gained is going to be lost. I pray every day for strength, either way. I pray for God’s guidance more than ever and that if I’m meant for something else, now is the time to tell me, show me, something. I am holding steadfast as that is what He has put in my heart. I know I can do all things through Him who strengthens me… I just don’t think I want to be strengthened that much. I don’t think my resilience needs to be tested to that degree. Then I remember, that He never gives us more than we can handle. I look back at where I was, who I was and then where I am now. What a difference and I did that. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and physically, I had to do it all by myself.
I hope you’ll check back tomorrow night to find out what songs I chose and why. I will post my entire paper on here for you to view. Maybe it will give you a little more insight to who I am. I’m hoping that’ll do the same for me. I’m Broken and it’s Beautiful but, having your person hold your hand through it all, it’s the ultimate….