Knowing My Limits

So, I know I am supposed to be my own hero and nothing can stop me with a can-do attitude and I strive for that daily but, part of discovering the me I am meant to be is also knowing when to say no, knowing my limits. I had wanted to take 4 classes this semester which would give me 12 units and that is a full load, for my Pell Grant, it’s more beneficial for me to take the 12 units. When the college site went down I was unable to find out the status of my waitlisted class. Yesterday I was able to email the professor and she agreed to let me in. I would however have to order the two books and and complete last week’s work. I think I could do it but, I knew that the classes I already have are going to give me a run for my money.

All day I have been deliberating. I asked my Nana and she said not to overextend myself, I asked my mom and she said to push the limits. I know I could take all of the classed but I want to excel at them and not just scrape by. I ALMOST broke down and phoned a friend…haha, okay, this is not Who Wants to be a Millionaire but, I needed someone that knows me and would objectively provide an answer. I didn’t though. I dug my heels in and decided I would do this myself. Well, don’t you know, that while doing my Statistics this evening, I realized just how much I am going to have to pay attention to this class. I am actually wishing I had taken regular math… Helping Miah, I feel like a whiz kid! Give me two plot points and I can tell you the slope, find the y intercept and submit it to you in the reduced formula. Like, let’s go! But, this is what I chose and so I am sticking with it. I have made the decision to keep what I have and wait to take the Social and Critical Thinking next semester since it is a class I have to take to graduate.

Last year, I would have never signed up for classes because I believed I wasn’t capable of doing it. That I was a failure, now, instead, I am choosing to not overextend myself so that I can do well in these other classes and still have time to assist Jeremiah, do whatever I have to do (like cook dinner, wash laundry, etc.) and hopefully if we can break free of our houses soon, I have time to have a life. I don’t think of this choice as a failure or doing a disservice to myself. I think I am making the right choice. Oh, my Political Science teacher responded to my first discussion post and he loved it! I was super nervous and mine was more in depth than anyone else’s but…SCORE! I do know my shit and I am good at what I do. The classes I have consist of one I am naturally good at, one that has to do with what field I am going into and the last is a hard class that will challenge me far beyond a comfort zone. When I get through this semester, there is no doubt that my confidence will be at an all time high.

Knowing my limits is going to come in handy in other aspects of my life as well. I can’t always say yes or do things for others without it being reciprocated. I can’t hold my tongue and just let people do what they want. I had an incident yesterday where if I knew what was going on, there would have been an exchange of words. I was feeling a little unmotivated all week, really struggling with sleeping and doing my schoolwork but, after like 5 hours of notes and a test for just one class, I feel energized and ready to keep going. I’ve got this. I know I do. It’s too easy to give in and revert back to old habits. I have to be better and set the example. Miah and I were both doing homework earlier, I like being able to have that time.

Later this week I have to go on a media fast. No media of any sort for a 24 hour period. Let’s see how that goes. I am kind of looking forward to it but, need to figure out what to do so that I am not distracted. I can’t watch tv, listen to the radio, absolutely media free. It should be interesting. It will allow me some time to just be and will get me used to it because I am telling you, once we have our own place again, Sundays are going to be family day, no sitting on the phone for hours or stuck playing video games. It’s going to be filled with family, friends, fun, food, conversation, and making memories. I look forward to that because we will be done with this damn pandemic. Maybe I can take a drive but…. with no music? Perhaps I’ll go visit a friend and have some drinks. Um, actually, that sounds like a good idea! I don’t know.

My whole point to this is having limits for certain reasons is a good thing. I’ve either gone to one extreme or the other in the past and now I am doing it right. I am pleased with my decision making skills and how I just got through one class. I have two more to go but, I’m okay. Keeping myself distracted is a much needed thing right now. It stops my mind from wandering. I’ve obviously done too much of that lately. Well, it’s getting late, I need to go to bed so I can do this all again tomorrow. Thank you for being on this journey with me, thank you for giving me a reason to continue writing every day. It’s therapeutic and even though we are not having a conversation, I appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I am a little crazy but, I am very passionate and I love with all I am. So, I wish you a goodnight and I’ll be back here tomorrow.

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