I had so much to say last night and I was too exhausted. Now it doesn’t seem to matter.
Today marks another month down and tomorrow is my son’s bday. It’s also my first official day back in college. I was able to get some intro things out of the way this evening. I am so nervous.
Things are happening but not the way I think they should. My emotions are all over the place and I want to scream. I’m tired of all this. I just want the pain to stop. I want to smile a genuine smile and breathe a good breath. I want to sleep a night going to bed at a decent time and not have dreams that make me not want to wake up and face reality.
This is not even close to being over for me. I used to agree that it was better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. No, those people that think that, they didn’t have that ince in a lifetime love. Once you have that, and if you lose it, the pain is unbearable. The thought of being with someone else is unimaginable. So you’re stuck being alone and lonely because you can’t… you just can’t. Each day I get stronger though and I add another brick to the wall on building. Making it sky high so noone else can ever break it down.
I need to go to bed. I fell earlier and hurt myself kind of bad. I’m a crying mess and tomorrow has to be a better day. Miah deserves a happy momma for his bday. Today got away from me. I’m hoping for better posts now that I’ll be conversing with more people and learning new things. Especially in my PoliSci class, that should be fun during an election year… ugh!
Anyways, I know I’m erratic but, I think that’s what you’ve come to expect after 5 months right? I write what’s on my mind and in my heart. Until tomorrow.