Not sure what to say today. I’ve written almost two posts but wasnt feeling them so here we are. Today is a special day and I could only send my love via text. Love was sent nonetheless.
I watched a joyous gentleman gifted with $40k on TikTok. A woman drove through Wendy’s in Houston a while back and was met with the most cheerful and positive attitude from an employee. It just touched her heart. She recorded him and posted it. TikTok wanted to gift him and that they did. This man was doing his job and doing it with joy in his heart. For that, his life will be forever changed. I am grateful to have been able to watch it unfold.
Inside, I see myself as that happy person but that’s not often what I portray. I want to be Joy and somehow, I was always Sadness. I’m working hard to correct that. To be the same person in the inside and outside. Even on my worst days I can find joy if I just look. The more I live my life from a place of abundance instead of lack, it seems like the more my life is fulfilled. Waking up and thanking God instead of dreading the day…what a positive change. Especially when looking back i had so much and didn’t appreciate it fully. The test is to now appreciate what little I do have instead of dwelling on the past.
In little over a week I have many changes coming. I am nervous and doubting if I can do it. I keep hearing ET, he would be so disappointed in me. When I want to succeed as bad as I want to breathe, that’s when I’ll be successful. I’m there, I’m at that point. I’m living with the mentality of abundance and it’s time we lived that way as well. Good thoughts and positive vibes, hard work and a little divine intervention and pir dreams will come true. I have pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone I can’t even find my way back. Instead of staying put and acclimating, I want to add more to what I’m doing. I know, I think I lost my marbles. No, I just want to see the progress, the fruits of my labor.
I’m a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and I get off track quite a bit and I love a run on sentence. Not really but, I do talk like it. I feel as if I only make sense to myself. I fear that I’ll live the rest of my life alone and yet, I’m coming to accept that it might just work out that way. Love is a crazy thing. Yes, well, I seem to be a bit of a crazy thing myself. I watched The Ramen Girl again. It made me feel the same way. I cried a bit more than I did the first time. Abby showed me a courage I needed to see. I need to be courageous as I take these next steps. I will learn to make my ramen…eventually.