Have you ever had an aha moment? Like the blinders come off and you’re like wow, how come I didn’t see this sooner? Um, I’m in that right this second. A few weeks ago I was at my mom’s and she was getting ready to watch a movie called The Ramen Girl with Brittany Murphy (mom absolutely loves her). It didn’t catch my attention so mom put something else on and that was the end of it.
Tonight I am searching for something to watch, just tired of the norm and tired in general (I couldn’t go to bed last night, my mind was racing). I somehow came upon the movie and thought, why not. Honestly I was thinking it would put me to sleep. I was so very wrong. It’s like the movie spoke to me. I related so much to Abby in so many ways. I’m stunned. I had an up and down kind of day and was feeling kind of in limbo. It’s not how I wanted to end my day but, I was going to do it anyways.
Instead, I found a paper that my son was doodling on during class and on it he had written – always do good by my mom, love that woman to death. I WILL NOT disappoint. Let me tell you, my cup runneth over. I think that’s what put me in the right headspace to attempt watching The Ramen Girl. I urge you to watch it. You may not take from it what I did though. I felt it, kind of like her friends did when they ate her first batch of ramen. I am on the same journey now. I’m trying to find what my ramen is. I have a good idea but, I am “cooking” to much with my head and not enough with my spirit.
There are so many I’s in my story. I don’t want to be selfish, I want to help and inspire and support. Being on this journey of self discovery has taught me though that if my house is not in order, I’m no help to my neighbor. It’s something I’ve known and preached, I just never lived by it. We are mirroring each other and the only way to fix it is to fix me. To take care of me, to push myself to the limit. Things again may not be happening to plan and that’s okay. When something doesn’t work out it’s because a better opportunity is on the way. I was hesitant anyways which means that it wasnt meant for me.
2020, I am working on the Happy & Healthy promise I made to myself. You, my frenemy have been so bad and yet so good to me. I have said goodbye to a lot and welcomed even more. I am constantly learning and life is changing so rapidly. The person I am in a month from now, that’s going to be the badass woman I’ve become working hard to make shit happen. I filled my plate full knowing that God won’t allow me to take on more than I can handle.
Watch the movie, seriously. Think of me when you do. Know that I will be my own version of The Ramen Girl. I’m not scared, just getting impatient on a direction. I think perhaps I have to continue being inspired as I have been lately. Finding signs make me happy and who doesn’t love being happy? Soon I’m going to be making something beautiful. Not sure how, what it where but, that’s the dream. I just want someone to take a chance on me and breathe into me, in return, I would be honored to be their successor. Somehow, some way…. I know it to be true.