I’ve been doing so well and yesterday I don’t know what happened. I let things bother me, things I have no control over and I was a mess. I couldn’t sleep, I had such a headache from all of the crying, it was all bad. I woke up this morning still feeling defeated but, my intuition is telling me that everything is going to be okay. I was having such an internal battle and I couldn’t figure out why.
Tonight is a full moon. Things are going to be out of sorts as this is supposed to be a powerful one. Being more in tune with myself, I’ve noticed that I feel things stronger than I have in the past. I feel people’s energy and my intuition has been very vocal as of late. All of this doubt and self sabotaging, it was not good for my soul. I had to push that out because I don’t have room for it in my life. As long as I know what’s meant for me, as long as I know who I am, all will be worked out in my favor.
All day I kept asking God what was I to learn from this. I was doing well and then bam. I’m still trying to control things. I have not completely let go and given in. There was no reason for me to get so upset. I know the deal, I know what’s happening and yet, I let it get the best of me. Does it change anything? No. So, then why? I don’t know. Just another daily reminder than although I’ve come far, this will never be over. I’ll be working on me for the rest of my life. I guess that’s not such a bad thing. It ensures that I am making me a priority. As hard as it may be, I think my plan needs to be not to have a plan. Well, sort of.
I know God is working on so many other things. I have a friend with a heart condition that may end his life and a little boy will lose his parent, my best friend’s family member, a 16 year old boy was just diagnosed with cancer, people are without food and work. I know that there are so many others that He is tending too but, if I don’t put my prayer in there, if I never let Him know my intentions then I am doing myself a disservice. Somewhere up there, someone has to have time to hear me out, a guardian angel, a special little beautiful angel, or perhaps God himself.
My intuition has never steered me wrong. I’ve not listened to it and got myself in trouble but, that was me controlling the situation. I know what’s in my heart, I know what my intuition is telling me. I know things are being worked out for me as I write this. Last night was an emotional night. I keep contemplating if I should delete the video. I am better today though and on a positive note, I’ve lost 10 pounds in the last four days. I am super stoked. 20 more and I’m at my second goal, 30 more and I might be ready to stop. That is my little bit of sunshine today
As I said, no matter what I’ve gone through in these last four months, I’ve always had the sense that everything is going to work out. On my bad days, I just have to trust in the process more than ever. I understand that things are changing, I’m changing. My way of thinking and seeing the world is very different. I look forward to getting more in tune with myself, with the universe and connecting with others on a completely different level. Just know, I’m not a crying mess tonight. I am a mess, but, a grateful, faithful, mess. Thank you for being on this journey with me.