I went to bed with my heart so very happy last night. I checked my snapchat and it had memories from last year. I had video and sound and it was PRICELESS! I showed it to Miah, he said if it was upsetting me to stop watching. I told him, actually the tears were happy ones. I said my prayers and spoke to God with even more happiness than I had when I posted earlier.
Needless to say, I woke up happy. First thing I repeated to myself over and over was, happy dreams, happy thought, happy life. I’ve said it to myself countless times today. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t met with some challenges, I just chose not to let them get the best of me.
I spoke to a friend today, someone that is going through some stuff and although what they’re dealing with is tough, they’ve already thrown in the towel and admitted defeat. That’s not what I’m used to from them. I had to give it to them straight which was not what they wanted to hear but, we’ve never sugar coated things with one another. What they are considering as strong, I flat out said was weak. It’s so eye opening to see how jaded we are when in the middle of the storm. The ship is sinking and we are already hunkering down like those people on the Titanic, waiting for the ship to sink. Lost in self pity, we are too blind to see any other options. The lack of hope is sad and it sucks that I’ve been there many times. When had I just opened my eyes, there were hands outstretched to pick me up and pull me out of there. All I could do for my friend was be honest, not give in and join their pity party and walk away.
I got a call a bit later from my mom. We hung out yesterday and had some good conversations. She wanted to check up on me. I told her about my friend and she agreed that I said the right things. We talked about other stuff too, she’s actually being very supportive lately and keeps telling me how proud of me she is, how strong I am and that I have to keep thinking positive. Not what I’ve come to expect from my mom but, she sees the change in me. I show he every day that this is not a fad, this is the new Stephie. I told her about happy dreams, happy thoughts, happy life. Not sure where it came from but, it’s what I’ve been saying today. She reminded me to think of songs as well. Of course, the songs that work for her are not the same that would work for me. Worship songs are my go to. All in all, I felt heard and supported and of course, happy.
In these few months I’ve learned a lot about being happy. It’s a state of mind, it’s a choice. There are no rules or stipulations, no requirements or prerequisites. Anyone and everyone can be happy. As I said, I was looking outwardly for my happy tank to be filled, people, material things, status but, internally, I was empty. As I take on the job solely, I am noticing that my happy tank is so easy to fill. I feel like I’m on Monster’s Inc. All this time I was searching for other things to fill the tank and that was the equivalent of scares….took more and longer to do. Now I fill my happy tank as quickly as laughs filled up the tanks on the scare floor. I’m glad I finally got out of my own way to be able to see things clearly now.
Overall, I’m happy, Oh Happy Day! I’m choosing to be happy! Even when waves come crashing down on me and I don’t know which way is up, my heart will be filled with happiness. That’s all I’m responsible for really. The rest, that’s in His hands and God is better suited to fight the big battles for me. I have been allowed peace and happiness in the smallest of things. Happy dreams, happy thoughts, happy life!