Knowing Who I Am

I used to think I knew who I was and I was very proud of it as well. Turns out who I was and who I thought I was were not always the same. You get this idea and then you go about living your life. Words are just words and if you’re lucky, one day someone will come along and shake you to your core.

In the most lovingly and painful way, they will make you question everything about yourself. You’ll probably take some of it in, thank them for the little things you’re willing to adjust and then politely deny the rest. I mean, we’ve lived with ourselves this whole time. We know who we sought out to be, who we strive to be every day and ya, some days we are unsuccessful but, we will try again tomorrow.

I watched something today, a woman said that we must strike “try” from our vocabulary. Try gives us an out, it allows us to not push so hard, to not be the best we can be, we will try and if we fail, well, we didn’t guarantee it, we said we would try and therefore off the hook. I use try quite a bit. Yes, maybe sometimes to ease out of things but, mostly because I don’t want to disappoint you if I’m unsuccessful. I can do better, I am better than that. No more try for me, and if you catch me, call me out on it. I have to be held accountable if I want to change it.

So, back to being me. Somewhere along the way, who I thought I was became just words. I mean, not all of it. I am a good person but, I have the potential to be great. I am smart, talented and resourceful but, I’m afraid of failing, I am a good girlfriend but, I can be an incredible wife, I’m a great mom but, I can be fantastic. I talk a out grinding and when it comes to put up or shut up, I come up with an excuse. I want nothing more than to be the equivalent of E.T.’s wife, to my own E.T., I want it more than I want to breathe. Talk is cheap though Steph, gotta put your money where your mouth is.

I cannot and will not allow myself to be mediocre. I make a promise to myself to do at least one thing a day that’s for me, one thing a day that’s for my family, one thing a day that will impact my future, I committ to this blog, I committ to my prayers and meditation. I will reach out when I need help instead of doing this all alone. I will build my tribe. Today I vow to make all my dreams come true. I will no longer sit and wait for everything to happen.

I know who Stephanie Andrade is. I know what makes me proud, what makes my heart sing and who makes me want to get out in the morning and face the world. To make a change, you first have to be the change. I read something today from Joel Osteen talking about this and that if you want something good in your life, do something good for another. I will do this. I don’t know what it all will look like but, no more complacency, it doesn’t look good on me.

You know you’re on the right path when you’re not afraid anymore. When you still don’t know what you’re doing but, your head and your heart aren’t at battle anymore, you’re at peace and just excited for what’s next. I think that’s what giving it to God may look and feel like.

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