This evening I was supposed to deliver something. I decided to go by myself. It was refreshing. I had the ac cranked down low and good music on. I didn’t have a set time to be there so there was no need to speed. The silence and peace the drive gave was much appreciated and needed. I was unable to drop the items off but, I did just sit in town for a moment. Again, not having to be anywhere or do anything other than just enjoy my time out. The trip home was even better. I talked to God, I sang along to the music and I got lost in the overwhelming happy feeling that came over me. I can’t even remember the last time I got in my car with no real purpose. When I didn’t have to be somewhere at a specific time.
That’s like my life. I was speeding through it that I wasn’t enjoying it. I wasn’t fully appreciating the special ones that decided to take the ride with me. Now I just want to get them back in the car so they can see for themselves how much I’ve changed for the better. Allow my actions to speak louder than .y words. Jeremiah and I are better, but, that’s not where I want it to end. I wasted time, took my loved ones for granted and I promise, it was not on purpose. I was drowning and instead of admitting it and asking for help, which I would have received by the way because they’re amazing, I tried to fix it on my own and failed miserably. I thank God that I’ve learned all of this and was able to pull myself up and get moving in the right direction. But, it may be too late.
I remember cruising…
The drive I took tonight, that’s how I want my life to be. Filled with cool air, talks with God, singing to good music and I would add the company of the ones I love. But, no rushing or arguing, just enjoying those moments and being present.
I am so thankful for these revelations, for the memories, for the opportunity to right some wrongs, and to heal from the wrongs I can’t right. I’ve had some major signs in recent days. Ones I’m still trying to decipher. Lucky for me, tomorrow offers a fresh start and maybe some insight to the questions I have. I look forward to when all of this is over and I can really go cruising. We are going up the coast and well, anywhere we want to go. No rush, no expectations, just a full tank of gas and each other. Time waits for no man.