Tipping the Scale

Losing weight is not easy and hard to commit to. I’ve done it before and lost a lot of weight. For the last few years, I’ve tried and then given up, not wanting to make the commitment. I stress eat and when I’m feeling sad, it makes me happy. I’ve really wanted to lose pounds but not enough to put in the work.

Before the quarantine stuff, we were going to the gym. At least twice a week for a few weeks. I was trying to build up my stamina. This time, I was committed, I wanted to look fierce when I tried on wedding dresses. Then everything was shut down and I was stuck at home. As you know, I worked on my mental health instead of my physical health. That’s going well and so I’m making headway on losing weight and being healthy. Although the goal is not for wedding dress fittings anymore, it’s even more important. I am beautiful and I know that but, I want my outside to match my inside. I want to show off the work I’ve done on becoming the best version of me.

The scale has not been going down lately and of course it’s causing some frustration. Looking in the mirror though, I’m noticing that my body is changing. Again, small victories! The scale is only a number, I want to look and feel great. I know I need to add in more exercise but, that’s getting harder staying at home. I may not be able to workout as I would at a gym and that has to be okay for the moment, I have to keep pressing forward and remember that I committed to this. I get lost in the numbers sometimes and then remind myself that I don’t carry a scale around to show off my weight, I have to let my body speak for itself. It’s starting to!

Sometimes we have an end goal in mind but, it’s not what we really want. We don’t take the time to think about what it truly is we are looking for. For example, I have a specific weight I want to reach and that’s what I was fixated on. That’s not my goal though, my goal is to be healthy. Happy and Healthy 2020. I want to look and feel great. With that, I may not need to lose as much weight. So many things will factor into that. I will have to continue assessing my weight loss as I go to determine when I’m happy where I’m at. I would love to have a baby, that’s what I was trying for at the beginning of the year, I need to be in good health for a pregnancy and to keep up with a newborn. Again, that seems like a far reach in my current situation but, we never know what God has in store and I want to be ready this time. I don’t want to start warming up when it’s already game time.

So the goal is healthy. There are many reasons for that and honestly those reasons can be altered at any moment. I have made the commitment and I’m putting in the effort. I’m in control and I’m doing what I feel is necessary to make this a lifestyle change because, I don’t want to have to lose this much weight ever again. Maintenance is key. I like going go the gym, even more when I don’t run out of steam so quickly.

It is nice to see my hard work paying off. I love smiling and laughing as much as I do now. I love consciously choosing water over soda because it’s better for my body. I wish everything in life was a simple. I think most things are though and perhaps I complicate things that don’t need to be complicated. Well, I used to. I’m a work in progress. I’m finding my way. Don’t count me out just yet.

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