People say, I was in the right place at the right time… have you ever stopped to think about how true that really is? Yesterday was a holiday and of course I was home. We can’t go out and do anything anyways but, I was where I was meant to be. My Raiyhn had such a hard night. She was so scared of the fireworks going off, it was breaking my heart. No matter how much we tried to console her she was shaking vigorously and her little heart was beating so fast. I had to cover her up and cuddle to get her to settle down. That was only after 2am when the pops stopped.
Thinking about last night, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I can’t imagine if we weren’t here to help her through that. There are so many other times in my life where I’ve felt the same way. I don’t think those moments happen by chance. That’s when the universe is working on your behalf. Don’t get me wrong, there are exceptions like when bad things happen. You don’t feel like you were meant for that, but, it could be true.
In talking with family, everyone is so over this quarantine stuff and want to get back to the way things were. But, I actually appreciate having this time. It changed my life. And although, I am ready to be able to go out and about, I definitely don’t want things to go back to the way they were. I wasn’t happy, I hated myself and didn’t feel I was worthy of breathing. With the time that I’ve had, with the work I’ve done, I love myself, I am stronger than ever and have a new outlook on life. I wouldn’t mind a second chance at some things but, I never want to go back. To thrive, I have to keep moving forward.
One thing I can say for sure, my head is clear. I am able to communicate more effectively than I have in a while. I am not stumbling or jumbling my words. I am able to not only see things from my point of view but from other’s as well. I understand that by being narrow minded or unwilling to step back and assess a situation from multiple angles, I could be denying someone the right to their thoughts and feelings or even make uninformed decisions that could impact more than just me. Although I don’t want to get hurt, I’m finally getting it, sometimes, I will have to lose the battle in order for us to win the war. Always being right comes at a steep cost, often when it’s least expected.
I am still in disbelief of how much stress I’ve released and how I’ve let go control of the reigns and I am content. My mind isn’t racing trying to piece together things that I don’t need to be obsessing over. I can only control myself, I choose my actions and reactions. Of course, nothing is perfect and I’m going to always make the right decision but I pray I continue to grow with every lesson I learn. May the life I lead be filled with abundance and happiness knowing, I am choosing to accept the blessings I have and always be grateful for the day.
I must admit, there are words I’ve left unspoken. I’m a work in progress and those words, they’ve yet to come to the surface. I’m constantly evaluating my life and what my future looks like so that I may adjust my conversations with God to match my needs first and my wants second. Eric Thomas is famous for saying when you want succeed as much as you want to breathe, that’s when you’ll be successful. I don’t want to succeed THAT bad. There is one thing I want more than I want to breathe and that’s what I’m working towards. You have to know what you need to live your best life and then be willing to put in the work. Sacrifice comes with that as well. It may not be easy but, something that important is ALWAYS worth the struggle.
I look forward to being exactly where I’m meant to be more often. I know good things are heading my way. I’m ready.