Getting Back on Track

I made headway today, getting back in the groove of things. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I really let myself down when I got all out of sorts last week. I know that I learned a lot from that, learned that I can’t ever take my foot off the pedal or I’ll lose the ground I’ve covered. I just surprised myself at how quickly I was able to allow myself to feel defeated. Turning a negative into a positive, I think I needed to learn this lesson.

I had some pretty great dreams last night. They helped me to wake up with a smile on my face and with the right attitude. I am grateful for the day I had. I spent some quality time with Miah and Raiyhn, I can never get enough of those two silly kids. I got to laugh and enjoy their company. It’s like I get to stop and smell the roses. All in all, my good vibes are back and my motivation is in full force.

I am starting to understand that people can love me and not fully accept me, they have a vision in their head of who I should be or who they want me to be and keep willing me to be that person. I’m not willing to accept this just yet, not sure if I ever will but at least I see it for what it is now. It can be those closest to you and unfortunately they are quick to judge those that do see and support you for who you are. Perhaps it’s because they are jealous because others can love me for who I truly am.

I have been told for more than half my life that I am a difficult person to get along with and to love. Basically that if someone is able to put up with me, I should thank my lucky stars and hold on tight. But, I think that’s bullshit. I’m difficult to love for those that can’t take the time to love me or that aren’t for me. I’m loved and supported by some incredible human beings and they don’t think I am difficult at all. I’m done fitting in a box someone else created for me. I was born to fly….

I’m finding my way again and so happy about it. I’m listening to the universe, be it good or bad. Life isn’t easy, sometimes pain comes from the ones you love the most, I will get lost along the way but I’ll always get back on track. I have to keep the faith, believe I deserve all my heart desires and never stop trying. What’s meant for me will find a way, what’s not will fade away.

I am blessed. I am forgiven, I am grateful, I am loved. I am confident, strong, beautiful, and smart. I am mom, I am me. I am trying. I am led by blind faith. God, guide me along the way.

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