Two Steps Back

I still don’t feel like I’ve found my stride since I got the wind knocked out of my sails last week. I am doing my best and honestly, I’m not feeling it. I won’t give up though, I’m committed to this.

It’s frustrating you know. Roaming around aimlessly for so long afraid to try something for fear you would fail and then you go for it, you find something worth trying and bam. I have all of these things whirling around in my head and normally they filter down like bingo numbers and onto the page but now there is nothing filtering down. I’m second guessing myself, wondering what others will think.

I’ve spent my whole life depending on others thoughts and opinions of me. Craving the acceptance, attention and needing the praise. For years I’ve been told that I need to stop caring what others think so, I throw caution to the wind, take a leap of faith and bet on me. That’s how this all started. This has nothing to do with being accepted by anyone but me.

This is a challenge, I think God is waiting to see how I handle this. I have the opportunity to not only talk about my growth but show it. I have to put my money where my mouth is. I have to keep moving forward no matter how strong the current gets. What I am doing is good for my soul, my intentions are pure and my heart is in the right place. I can do this and I can do it with my head held high.

Although these last few days I’ve been on a rollercoaster, I’m not giving up on what I am doing here. I’ve just got to get my wits about me. I’ve got to take a breath, regroup and be reminded of my motivation. I want to find the woman I want to be. The woman I know I can be is here and this is how I’m finding my way to her. She deserves me to keep going and find her. I need to stop seeing the glass half empty. I’m Ms. Optomistic and Positive. Wheres the positivity at? Bring out the sun and since I’ve already taken two steps back, now I’ve got to take one giant leap forward. Here goes nothing.

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