So, all day I’ve been contemplating if I was going to post or not. The thought of giving this up made me sick. I have either been too scared of failing to try anything or started and then never saw it through. If I choose to do that now, then I have not changed as much as I know I have. With that, here I am.
I let my power get taken from me yesterday, I wasn’t even asked for it. I just willingly gave it away without hesitation. I woke up this morning and decided I didn’t want to keep feeling that way. The only way to change my energy was to make a conscious decision to do so, to choose me. Guess what? I did it. I turned my frown upside down and now I am feeling like me again. I am still learning but, I’m going to do my best not to lay down and play dead again. I’ve got too much fight in me for that.
Life is beautiful and I’m blessed to see it the way I do now. I am so lucky to have a way with words that I can express myself through my writing. I’m happy that I was able to pull myself out of my funk and can get back on track. I have a renewed energy for the things I am trying to accomplish. I am more eager to see them through. I know I can do whatever I set my mind to, I just have to remember who I am and why I’m doing all this. I deserve it, that’s why.
Sometimes we get lost in pleasing others because we think their pleasure will make us happy. That does work, but, it can only get us so far. We have to make sure that we are not sacrificing ourselves for the pleasure of others, there’s no happiness for you in that. I’m happy making my people happy but, I’ve got to learn to make me happy. Because, life is so much better when everyone is happy. If just makes everything worth it. The more I learn who I want to be, the more I find my voice. I don’t want to be silenced anymore.
The woman that is rising from the fire, I admire her. She is the realest version of myself that I’ve ever been. I don’t feel the need to make excuses on my behalf. There’s a reason that I kept the pieces I did and replaced others. Transformation comes through growing and healing regardless if you want it or not. I look in the mirror and can’t believe who’s staring back at me. I’m impressed how when something bothers me, I can talk myself off the ledge instead of burying my head in the sand. I’m showing up for me.
Yesterday, I learned how easy it is to revert back to old habits and it upset me…too much. I am committed more than ever to continue on this path. I accept that I am only human and setbacks are part of the process, sometimes even necessary. I am trying and that counts for everything in my book. People give up too easy these days, I was one… in certain aspects of my life but no more. As long as I can help it, I will always keep trying to be a better me. I’m worth the effort.
Happy belated birthday to me!