I am sitting here thinking about a million things. I am giving my thanks and evaluating where I am at versus where I was. I think it’s necessary for me to gauge how far I have truly come in these last few months.
I was so unhappy with myself. Way more than I let on…but, I know it showed on me. I found happiness from the love of my family and planning a wedding that I didn’t feel worthy of so much so that I didn’t do much planning because I never really thought it would happen. Nothing else in my life mattered, and not in a good way. I depended on their love and affection for me to make it through the day and not do something stupid. I know now how wrong that was. No one should have the responsibility to be someone else’s happiness. It’s okay to be a reason but not the only reason.
Fast forward to right here, right now… I am beyond happy. There is so much uncertainty in my life and changes happening and yet, I am happy. I wake up happy and I go to sleep happy. I may have a few ups and downs throughout the day but, I shake it off and end my day thanking God for getting me through it all. I am happy because I am choosing to be. I am seeing the beauty in the world, heightened my senses to all of the good surrounding me. As each day passing I am learning more about who I am and what I am capable of. I am making me happy these days, I am more than qualified to do so. I am my main reason for happiness. I have been through so much, things that have hurt me but, they don’t have a place in my life anymore. I may be broken but, I am beautiful!
This, this is why I am doing this. For these revelations. In the hope that someone else can connect and maybe they too will be able to grow through the pain into the pleasure that I am experiencing now. My life may not be where I want it yet but, I am on the right path and I’m happy with who I am at the moment. I am the filler of my tank. I am solely responsible for my happiness, my family, they make it just that much better. There’s nothing wrong with an overfilled tank of happiness. It’s just means that there’s more for us to share.
I never knew I would like myself as much as I do. I didn’t know I had has much courage to handle whatever comes my way. I’m in a place now that I’m not fearful of falling apart. I am successfully standing on my own two feet. Now it’s time to putting on my running shoes… I’m ready to run! My future is out there and I gotta grab it before it’s gone. It’s meant for me. I’ll be sure to smile all the way. God is good. I’m one happy girl!