So, I slept so hard last night that I didn’t move at all. I woke up exactly how I fell asleep. It has been years since I have done that. I still wasn’t feeling well but, I had to run some errands and forced myself to get up. It helped a lot. Instead of staying in bed and hiding from the day, I got up and faced it and it was the best decision that I made. It got me off on the right foot and I was able to shake off the yucky I have been feeling. It’s what I needed.
I chatted with a friend today and she said that she got a new job, one that she is making more than she was making at her last job. We talked about what my plans are and I felt motivated to take a look at jobs again. I have been looking and finding nothing but, today I found something that would change my world. I didn’t want to go back to a job, I want to start something of my own and that could still happen but, if…no, WHEN I get this position I am applying for, so many doors are going to open for me. I actually feel excited to show someone what I am capable of. Good vibes y’all because, this is MINE! I just have to finish one part up tomorrow and then I will be able to finish applying for the position. Oh my goodness… a game changer! This is meant for me, I am beyond qualified to hold this position and it will be mine.
With the excitement of that, it got me thinking about what else I need and we need a house. I spent time researching them, thinking about what we want… we need our own space. A space that we can be ourselves and just breathe. I had to think about what that looks like, and then do my best to manifest it. I am one of those people that have to find what I like and then picture me there, picture how to decorate the place and seeing us living in it. That’s how it’s always come to us even when we didn’t know how we would do it. That is what I am doing again. I bought me a new bedspread as well because I have to plan as if it’s a done deal. Somehow some way, we are going to get us a house. We are going to be free and happy and whole, well, we are already there (or trying very hard). It’s in my reach! We are grateful for the house that is meant for us, the house we will make a home, our home that’s filled with love!
I have been feeling so out of sorts these past couple of weeks and I know it had to do with everything that’s going on in the world and then with the full moon and all, I knew it would pass but, I had to feel the feelings, I had to go through the motions to come out on the other side as I am now. I feel like I can conquer the world, I am full of faith and hopeful for the future. I’m not as sad as I used to be. I am putting in the work and filling up my own tank. I’m loving me and I am enough, shoot, I am more than enough. Maybe that’s the issue, I am too much for some and for others I am just right. I am ready for the just right. I am not willing to compromise anymore, I am not willing to fit into a box, I am not willing to be less to accommodate anyone. I am loud and opinionated and a mess but, I am fucking amazing and I know it. The woman that once was, is gone. I still have my foundation but, I have outgrown who I was, I am not scared anymore. I am not afraid to fail. Failing means I am trying and at some point trying turns into doing. I want to travel and try new things, I want to meet new people and experience the world. I was promised a guide, but, it’s okay.
My birthday is in ten days and it’s going to be filled with mixed emotions. Mixed because I want to skip it, I don’t want to celebrate anything with pieces of me missing but, that’s not in my control and I need to move forward, I need to control what I can and I can make this birthday mean something. I can do for me and celebrate all I have accomplished in these last few months. I am sitting here listening to my Dance It Out playlist I made on Spotify and wanting to dance around and be happy. The storm is gone and I have made it out alive and in one piece. What’s next?
I love me, I believe in what God has in store for my family. I have a new job and house coming my way, it’s all being worked out in the background. I have to keep the faith and remain positive. What’s for me will find a way and what’s not will fade away. Maybe 2020 will be my year. Happy and Healthy… that’s what I said. I am keeping my promise. You have to perceive it to receive it. Okay, I have to get up and dance now…. wanna join me? 😉